thouGhts oF ligHt

0801 * a brand new year ..

2008-01-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

bleahhhs .. its 2008 .. a brand new year .. but im terribly sick . i went count down with kaiern, gary and some others. xD ~ wows.. mum actually allowed me to stay out ! As long as i can take care of myself . x3 heeees.. so we went to a field .. opp esplanade .. somewhere near raffles place. o_o could see the fireworks well. XD i did flim it down on my digital cam but its in 3 parts . T-T~ lousy cam i got . hahs.. and the person infront kept moving T.T "

The fireworks last 8mins 30 secs.. holding the camera to flim it all down was tiring .. and i couldnt see the actual fireworks clearly since my camera was blocking . ><" Kaiern was so lucky her friend flimed it for her. [ o^^o ] Bought some ice cream mochi from Bugis's Beard Papa's Sweets.. wows.. YUMMY! =D~ i think i gonna get it everytime i go bugis. ^^its a must buy. =x hees .

But things didn't go on well .. after the fireworks .. we walked till we reach somewhere near Fullerton.. rest near the waters .. Kaiern got me to try calling some friends to see if we could meet up since we're staying out for the night . Had a hard time calling .. It was like we couldnt reach others but others could reach us via calls . =.="

tahtah called me .. he was nearby and wanted to meet up .. i didnt know he was in a bad mood .. he told me he wanted to come over to find me .. i told him my location .. but not long later, my friend decided to move on to meet arrol .. so i followed.. ><" i didnt want to hold them up.. i smsed tahtah to tell him i left fullerton but perhaps the server was too lag so he didnt receive it on time .. he called me .. asked where i was .. he was disappointed and angry i know. He sms-ed me .. i then found out he was in a very bad mood and wanted to look me up as he thought he would feel better that way but i made it worse.. =(~ sorry tahtah .. i really didnt mean it .

sighs .. went to get some drinks .. then continued walking . wows .. it was TIRING.. i practically looked like i was tired out i guess.. in addition, i was already sick .. ><" bleahs .. gary was very sweet .. he took great care of me .. ^^ hehes.. we waited at dhouby ghaut mrt for arrol .. rested at the steps .. =X ~ blehhh .. i didnt have anything for dinner .. =X just a glass of water chestnut from food junction. hurs.. and one more little secret .. =x my temp. was 37.2 degrees before i left home. =.=" bleeblee ~ <- own language of mine. :x

hmms.. watched alien vs predators .. digital version .. wows.. was quite okay la .. but the tremble or vibration didnt make me feel 0kay .. my chest feel 辛苦.. ><" poor kaiern .. =x she wanted to sit with arrol .. hahaha .. but Jonan sat beside her .. =X She told me cos she calls arrol ' dear ' in maple. =.=! bleahs .. Kaiern alot suitors wor ! >< 真羡慕.. hais .. hmm .. then nothing much wor .. cos quite tired le actually .. den i kept coughing . =.= tagged with kaiern cos she wanted to meet up with her maple daddy~ ><"

可怜的 kaiern.. 竟然在meet her maple daddy 的时候,看到 lance .. ><" 虽然她说她没事.. 但是她看起来很激动.. >< 似乎好像还没放下lance.. 有点担心她.. x.x" aiyos.. my flu's quite bad.. T-T 一整天一直睡.. sleepy sleepy .. =3 Then today i also no appetite .. eat very little..

我一直在向着 shu .. 很久没有他的消息了.. 也没看到 nel online.. ><" 可能回马来西亚了吧..我会耐心的等待.. 谁染时间很漫长..但是我会 try my best .. persevere.. 就应为我爱他! HURS! :x okay nahs.. i end here le.. time to rest .. bleahs .. @@" i flu dao .. nose kinda pain .. cos keep using tissue .. then ears oso kinda blocked. @@" weeets ~ end here norhs .. tatas.. =x

Happy New Year 2oo8 .. May everyone's wishes come true .. peace and harmony to the world . :x~

0713 ` lost myself ..

2007-12-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

我似乎要失去自我.. i was never like that .. 自从他去了台湾之后, 我每天牵挂着他.. 害怕自己的举动真的吓倒他了.. 他去台湾好久了.. 不知道几时才会回来.. =(~ sighs .. few days ago .. his room mate told me he graduate from NUS le .. i was elated .. but .. told me a shocking news the next moment .. he might be going US for 1 year training .. then .. his room mate told me i have 2 choices ..

1. forget about him and get a new boi .
2. get a boi to substitute while waiting for him ..

=(~ 这真的很残忍.. 我很烦.. 但是有时, 我却得装着没事.. 好辛苦.. 这个消息..带给我很大的打击.. 我真的很爱他.. He's the first.. 没有了他的存在, 我失去了自己.. lovesick就只因为他.. 整个人weak weak, strengthless.. 好像在发烧. 他曾经把欢乐带进我的生命里.. depression was once a distance away from me .. but now .. 他的离去, 让我失去了一切.. 我不再开心..

我只要他.. he stays in my heart .. 我现在才发现, 他对我有多么的重要.. hais.. what should i do .. 我只想麻醉自己.. 忘掉一切发生的是..我真得很烦.. 姐姐那里出了事.. 然后妈妈又告诉我.. 她的uncle的病情很严重.. 谁时我和妈妈就的起程.. 去KL. (=.=") 好累.. ever since i broke with gary .. nothing seems to be right .. things keep happening one after another .. i gonna break down .. soon.. sobs ..

0712 ` its me ~

2007-11-10T19:08:00.000+08:00

bleahhs .. very long never blog le .. lazy.. hehe.. have been keeping a diary too .. but stopped le. =p yesterday .. went bunk .. o.o saw this ger .. hugging a minnie mouse grey plush toy.. very big de lor .. ><><>

ytd i very late den reach home wor.. midnight. =x blehh .. =x hehe.. went out with my pri sch best fren ^-^ bought 2 clips.. very cute wor.. took pics .. a bit zi lian ytd .. i found my angle to take pic .. =D very cute worr ! i uploaded in friendster ler.. =P~ hehe .. =x hmm .. planning to meet huinee and shan next thurs.. dunno they free ma .. celebrate my bdae norhs .. =\ bleahs ..

i saw quite a few shopblogs.. got cute stuffs wor .. like clothes .. customised pouch, tees, shoes .. ><" blehh .. when i save enuff money den buy .. hurrs.. =x wo yao bian de gen mei ! rawrs :x

0711 ` woots..

2007-06-13T17:38:00.001+08:00

woah.. quite a lot of things happened since the previous post .. well.. so now i gotta blog it all out ! x.x" hmms.. actually on 8th June.. i was supposed to accompany my mum to the National Skin Centre.. She's got warts on the edge of her foot. Everything was fine till the day b4 .. i found out my left earlobe has something popping out .. according to my bf.. its quite scary.. [x.x"] imagine how sotong i can be when i didn't even realise it existed ! omgg.. [>.<"] It doesnt hurt just that i feel weird and uncomfy with sth popping out of the back of my left earlobe. [~_~"] yeahh.. kinda feel strange.. somehow like an alien perhaps.. =\ sighs.. actually i didn't want to let my mum know about it .. fearing she would scold and you know.. just terrible.. [x.x"] so.. i kept mum about it till on 8th June.. when we were on the way there.. i felt it would be better if i tell her about it.. i mean its not like sth minor .. e.g having flu or cough.. yeaps.. so she scolded me loes.. wad else.. blamed me for being vain.. for wearing earrings.. zzz..

so when i reached there, i found out that they only accept referral cases there.. if i were to see a doctor without any refer letter from polyclinics, i'd have to pay as a private patience which was around 50++ - 80 sgd ! omggg... damn expensive loes.. den.. after much thought.. my mum felt that i should see a doctor asap so i went to another clinic.. which was abit cheaper fortunately. =) hmms.. if im not wrong the name is something like Day Time Skin Treatment & Services.. whatever it is.. xD~ i went into the clinic at ard 11.45am.. but was told to return back at 1pm cos the doctors have to go for meetings. [">.<] yeaps.. so my mum and i went for lunch after collecting her medication. =D~ We ate lunch over there.. wasn't as ex as i'd thought it would be.. ordered rice + tofu + spicy squared stingray + 1 veg.. woots.. was okay .. hees.. after that.. we took a walk nearby the cafe or something.. they had a pond with quite a few koi !! yeaps.. i was lucky actually.. since i was a walk-in patient .. i was supposed to wait till the doctor is free or after all the other patients with appointments consult him ler den my turn.. so should be VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY long de.. but since i dere early.. and no much ppl .. so i was the 2nd to see him !! xD~ hees...

He said i had some kind of allergy to nickel or cheap metals.. which meant i have to wear pure metal earrings lo.. or whatever lar.. like sliver or gold.. =l bleahs.. i never knew i had this kind of allergy.. T_T" troublesome.. so after that.. he took a look at my condition and details about my medical records.. i was then told to go for treatment .. [>.<"] i took a jab on my left earlobe.. into the thingy thats swollen.. have one more jab to go next month ! T____T" when i saw the "nurse".. i was so shocked.. i told myself.. its good game this time.. it was a male nurse.. i expected him to rough and whatsoever but .. it turned out otherwise !! He was gentle and observant =x He talked to me.. to calm me down.. den slowly do the jab.. the pain was bearable . xp hehs.. oh yarhs, the doctor said he'll let me try 2 treatments.. if the swollen thingy don't shrink smaller.. they'll have to cut off the dumb swollen thingy from the back of my earlobe.. bleahs..

okay now next .. =x yesterday(ytd) .. my mum came back from work late.. and guess what .. she went for shopping.. and she bought pearls ! x.x" she said they were real ones.. in OG de.. promotion or stuff.. not sure if its real but they are BEAUTIFUL! omgg.. the pearls were opened from the shells.. ( according to my mum ) and was made into earrings and pendant.. my mum got me and my sis pendant and earrings.. one set each. hehes.. xP~ got pink pearls lo !! and light black de.. woahhh.. i never took a liking for pearls de.. but after what i saw yesterday.. i was like.. OMG.. PRETTY!! =x hehe.. =p

kay, now for today.. quite tiring wor.. went to granny hse in the evening.. just got back not long ago at 11+pm.. [x_x"] sighs.. hab tution tml somemore.. but the food at granny hse today was superb ! yummilicious.. hehes.. been long since i felt food at garnny hse was nice since practically every sunday i have the same things for dinner.. steamboat and greenbean soup. [x.x"] Dolly ( my granny hse de doggie ) was cute today !! heehees.. she was sitting beside my grandma in this so lady-like posture.. crossing her front legs.. LOL.. so cute ! >w<" okay lar.. i stop blogging here ler.. >_<" -boredom-

0710 ` mehhs.. unhappiness -

2007-06-06T21:55:00.000+08:00

sighs.. dunno why wor.. just felt sad today.. kinda unhappy.. =\ perhaps bcos i got not enuff to buy the hp barhs.. too ex ler.. both models oso ard 400.. T.T" sighs.. felt disappointed. =( hmms.. ytd got married in maple too.. hehs.. =x 05/06/07 - 8pm. [x^-^] mehs! recently i got very annoyed by my limited amt of clothes i can wear too! i nida go find some lers.. =\ hais.. sadded! ><"

actually i got nth much to blog wor.. >< wahahahha ="x"><" was sitting at the void deck den got one cute cute kitty wor .. watched him from a distance den after quite some time it actually WALKED to sit beside me.. waaaaaaaaaa~ i scare dao ... T_T" lOls.. i thought the kitty wanna bite me or something. [x.x"]

sians.. promised deardear to sleep early today.. nida slp at 11pm ! hais.. =( tml gotta wake early for tution too ! ><>

0709 ` reality or is it just him ?

2007-05-25T18:20:00.000+08:00

sighs .. is it just him or reality .. it was him who hurt me, but he pushed the blame on me .. i feel so hurt .. though i got no feelings for him .. but it hurts.. really .. a lot .. i put in effort to make him konniyaku jelly, even if it doesn't taste nice i wont mind hearing the truth .. but he go to the extend to tell me to bring it home. Does anyone understands how much it hurts .. it was made specially for him .. everyone said it tastes good .. is there a need to ask me to bring it home ? I had to open my mouth to tell him " keep it at your house ba.. " , upon hearing the stabbing fact he asked me to bring it home.. yet he GOT THE CHEEKS to tell me today in fact, but its at my hse wad, finished ler .. whats the use .. it wasnt him that finished it all up .. it doesn't matter if it doesn't taste nice enough for him .. put he didnt appreciate my efforts and sincerity .. he ASKED me to bring it home .. its just like rejecting a gift .. the moment he asked me to bring it home .. there is no point of arguing.. it will remain as a fact, he hurt me .. i told him several times .. we seemed to be getting apart, but he done nothing.. the starting of our relationship was sweet .. but what goes next ? our relationship was tasteless .. worse than plain water .. he always gave me reasons like he've got no money to meet me etc .. but he have money to play mahjong gamble with friend etc ?

He just obviously was lazy .. doesn't want to meet me up .. end up i had to go his place .. no calls from him no sms from him of care n concern or even love .. what am i to him ? After breaking up, he showed me a 360 degrees change of attitude .. well, that doesnt matter now .. because i'm glad i saw his true colours .. he made things ulgy .. not even a chance to be friends.. he made me sound like im evil .. im bad.. yeah well .. thats his mouth .. what can i say .. perhaps i admit i did hurt him .. but i was trying to salvage the relationship, in which .. to me, he doesn't seem to bother .. its just too late .. sighs .. he's just a jerk .. there he is saying " no i didn't want to argue .. ", but he obviously is trying to provoke me .. why bother to wish me having happy life after we break when he wasn't even trying to do so.. his words had hidden intentions .. telling me not to hurt my future bfs ? WHO HURT WHO NOW .. WHO WAS THE ONE WHO DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE RL BUT KEPT SAYING HE LOVE ME.. JUST FKING GET THE FACTS RIGHT ..

i didn't even when to bother abt his life .. yet he is here pm-ing me .. im just not in the right mood today .. after such things happened to me .. such a jerk .. hais .. well .. enuff abt him .. talking about him just spoils everything .. ytd i went to vivo with dear wor .. xD~ =3~ he going in ns ler .. hais .. but we split the cost and made a bunny .. hees.. it was sweet .. will keep it a secret .. =X but i guess it doesnt hurt to let you know i named the bunny after him .. hees.. we went to watch a movie too .. hurhur .. and i discovered he is extremely sensitive to tickling =x gahahahaha.. =X things were sweet when we were watching the movie .. x3 but i wasnt exactly paying attention .. all i had in mind was .. sighs.. our last date before he go in NS.. he was quite sad actually because since we were staying quite far apart .. i had to go home early.. i'm just not used to it .. i prefer my bf to send me home and not go home so early .. T.T but i kept things to myself .. i understand his diffculities.. so its just okay.. =3~ alright .. i'll end here .. ><" hope everything will be fine for dear ba .. x3~

take care wor .. bbie `

0708 ` everything ended ~*

2007-05-23T12:36:00.000+08:00

As my title for this post states, everything ended.. its over between me and him .. it should had happened long ago .. but i didnt know how to get it across to him .. i felt so bad .. i didnt want to hurt him .. but now .. i hurt him twice. we shouldnt have patched.. though i hope we could be like what we used to be .. but the feeling's not there anymore. Perhaps i got hurt too much .. i know im always making him angry .. we just shouldnt be together .. In my point of view, a relationship should not be just about love.. its also about trust, respect, forgive and forget .. to forget all the unhappiness and to forgive all the wrong doings if you really love him.

sighs.. its raining now .. really adds to my emo feeling now.. ["x.x] i got to meet my pri sch best fwen at BISHAN later ! OMG~ and its raining !! what the hell .. zzz.. but i like it when its raining though.. xD~ hmms.. gonna go buy contact lens later.. woots ! =x hees.. ><" umms.. tml gonna make bunny ... i wonder if i got enuff cash .. rawrs ~~ sians.. tml got tution somemore~ T.T cfm tio holdup extra hrs de.. ><" umms.. recently things have been bad.. all i wan is some peace .. x.x" haix..

frens meant alot to me .. i dont like seeing a friend sad or hurt etc .. but i got hurt .. i hate her .. all i want is just to chat with my buddy .. but her jealousy ruined it all .. i lost 3 buddies just bcos of her .. if she said im a flirt just becaused i merely wanted to chat with my buddy .. den whats she ? she go out with my other buddy to the supermarket without going with her bf ? LOL .. just get her bf to go with her lar .. why ask my other buddy go ? somemore say " aiya dun care him ".. him refering to her bf aka the buddy i wanted to chat with .. lols.. vulgar yi da dui out from her mouth .. this kind of ger .. lmao ~ dunwan oso nvm de.. hahs.. not a girl to me aniiwaes..

Girls should refrain from speaking vulgarities as far as possible.. if a ger keeps using vulgarities.. omg.. be a guy sua .. some words dunno meaning dun anyhw use .. lols .. she still threaten to ask me to watch out SIA .. why .. BF cannot control properly find me arhs ? poor thing sia .. be her bf like her doggie .. control everything.. friends oso cannot ? lmao.. lame .. if got trust in him .. den wun liddat ler .. no trust in the relationship, den stead for sai ? lmao.. everything oso wan poke nose into.. irritating + annoying lar .. think she very popular , very BIG arhs.. use vulgarities = ppl scared ? lmao.. try me .. lai .. hit me kill me.. i not scared .. i rather die anyway .. end up in police station later i see how u act big in front of police.. turn into mouse ? LOL.. pls la .. kids nowadays .. got chup sho wad ? grow up ler noe how to think den talk ba ..

ppl ard me got chup de now grow up ler .. all tell me they regret .. lols.. kiddos nowadays.. SIAN! okay.. i shall stop abt all these .. oo btw, cia ask me chg hairstyle + dye n highlight hair wor .. woots .. might try xD barbie doll hair .. suits me marhhh !? hmm .. the curly curly de =x gimme some opinion pwees thanks .. hehs..

xiaobaiie and nee nee .. how are things going for u 2 ? x^^x hope everything's fine .. free jiu msn or sms me .. xD~ miss u 2 ! muacks =x thats all for today ler .. im tired of reality in life ..

0706 ` wads been happeninG ..

2007-04-11T11:38:00.000+08:00

Umms.. been quite awhile since i post.. as usual its bcos im feeling lazy to post and well.. im too busy for blogging. [x=.=] hmm.. originally i applied for mdis but upon returning home .. that night, my sister called and urged me to retake my maths n science so she can fetch me to aust if i pass. i have no choice so i agreed. well.. so recently i've been looking for tutors and i found 1 for my maths and 1 for my science. well.. i'll try my best to pass the exams. As for the tutions, so far still okay.

One bad news.. i lost my pooh pen i bought from " More Than Words". i went to look before tution but .. there isnt anymore on the shelves so well.. i guess no stock left. *sadd* its my favourite pen and i've been searching it last night but i still didnt find it anywhere. hmms.. if any of you found that pooh pen .. in any "more than words" store.. pls help me buy it .. it has a hunny pot on top. yellow in colour.. i'll pay u back.. pweeees~ [o^-^o]

Guess what, im having my FIRST maths tution tomorrow but im not sure where the tutor's staying. Oh well.. butterflies in my stomach.. ["x~.~] yeaps.. i'll stop here.. xP~

0705 ` lyrics of 花样少年少女 opening theme song

2007-03-14T13:46:00.000+08:00

为什么你为什么
老是把空气全都吸光了
害得我你害得我
在你面前呼吸急促呼吸需要叫救护车
别看我你先别看我
我的脸红得就快要暴料了
完蛋了我完蛋了
我整个人眼看就快要不是我的了
怎么办感觉甜又酸
偷偷爱你快乐又孤单
怎么办爱却不能讲
你真讨厌不来帮我的忙
你怎么可以这样
笑容打败太阳
甚至比我还要好看
睡然无力抵抗
但是日子还长
总有一天换你为我疯逛

*repeat怎么办感觉甜又酸
偷偷爱你快乐又孤单
怎么办爱却不能讲
你真讨厌不来帮我的忙

ok .. done .. im not sure if its right. =\

0705 ` quiz results ! o.o"

2007-02-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

What Type Of Fae Are You?

somehow quite true i guess. xD~

0704 ` sighs ..

2007-02-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

ais.. today went out to celebrate valentines but hais.. perhaps bcos .. i keep noticing people pointing at me or laughing at me. I just felt so depressed, sighs .. i want to try to not treat it as a thing but i cant . =( *sighs* anyways, i got a billy bombers chef bear for present ! =D~ very cute de wor ! =D hmm.. went out with mei oso .. she chio chio wor !! O_O" -jealous- =( haiz.. then today we went to pizza hut to eat also .. so many ppl ! bleahs.. =.=" we ordered 2 pizzas, one curry chicken & one hawaiian pizza, drinks, spicy drumlets and garlic bread . LoLs.. eat until so full .. i normally can eat one slice of pizza only but today 2 !! =D~ and one small slice of garlic bread. bleahhhhs.. the soup tastes yucky too! x.x" rawrs~~

i wanna get psp !! T_T" okay ba.. stop here le. =) Happy Valentines Day all !!

0703` pics ..

2007-02-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

hmms.. pics!! =P hurhur.. i take de WOR!! okay.. so i shall give you the descriptions! xD~ Firstly, its dolly, my granny hse's doggie. wooo scary ! lOls. She isnt friendly to me. She is a bit out of her mind instead. She could be smiling to you or perhaps being friendly to you but she could growl and bite you the next moment . But she looks so cute in this. hees!!

okay, next. Its still Dolly but look at her sad face. Perhaps because she's the only doggy there. Lonely Lonely!! =X

Lastly, thats my recent pic ! i thought it look sweet but look at my ulgy hair ! =.="

0702 ` oppsies..

2007-01-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

hmms.. i went to buy 2 dress at a shop opposite my street. Quite nice to me though. I wanted my mum to get them for me but she refused. So i proceeded with plan B, and thats by getting money from my dad ! xD~ smart ehs? lols.. But somehow i think they overcharged me for 2 dresses! Oh well, the shop keeper did not give me any receipt and i only found out after 5 mins when i was already on the cab going else where, so i doubt i can do anything about it. Its just like the shop keeper would definitely not admit she overcharged me! Yeaps, so i can only blame myself for not being alert. bleahs! umms.. today day time i keep having headache. ["x~.~]

hmms.. sians.. result coming out le.. early feb.. which is like the MOST im only left with a few days lesser than 1 week.. I heard it'll be out on 6th or 7th of Feb ! omgg! haiis.. im starting to dread the dawn of that day. =\ arghs.. To make it worse, everyone would definitely flood my hp and hse fone. Hopefully everything will be fine and successful on that day. Praying for my dream to come true. [><"] bleahhhhs~

So, how's everyone? It seems to me as if everyone's busy with their lives and im not getting much attention or update. =\ aww.. anyway it's abit late. I'll update more tomorrow. *hopefully i dont forget* =x

0701` weets. new blog title style !

2007-01-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

hehs.. i've decided to change my blog title format.. usually i'd use (e.g. p0st 01` bla bla ) BUT now, i decided to change it to year(last 2 digits)+post count for that year. =) its okay if you peeps dont understand. lols.. *lala* =P anyway !! i wanna wish eu guys a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Its time to say gdbye to 2006 and say hello to 2007! woooOoooO! xDD~ forget and forgive.. bring a brand new "you" into 2007 ! May everything be successful ! =D

wow.. guess wad.. ["o.o] my mum actually asked me if i wanted to drink some beer since its NEW YEAR! wooooooooo! she's nvr been like that.. i mean.. its so.. WOW! haha.. umms.. yeah.. actually quite bored.. cos i didnt go out =.+" and i KNOW its new year .. countdown.. yeah yeah.. i didnt go.. instead i went to my granny's place. ["T.T] sadd.. i mean its no point going either .. firstly its kind of dangerous bcos it crowded and blabla.. yeah.. second.. uh.. no1 jio me i suppose? third.. umms.. i doubt my mum would allow me to stay out of home.. for a night .. BLEAHS! i've gt curfew! saddd~

umms.. regarding new yr's resolution for 2007.. im real sorry but i havent thought about any much. Just those old ones. [=.+"]

gain weight
get into poly. succesful path ahead.
be more cheerful
make more friends
positive attitude & character =P

i've also decided to get shi xin huey's album <> ! =P umm.. thats all for this first post of the year.. quite tired too.. ["><] slpy! *yawns* lols..

p0st 72 ` hmm.. past events !

2006-12-26T12:38:00.000+08:00

heh.. okay.. i've got some pictures here that is like in my camera and i totally forget to upload them here. =.+" umm.. the bdae cake below is my 2006 cake.. cute right ? =x and can u believe i ate that fruit cake 2 times? I mean i brought home one in attempt to celebrate with my parents which was of the same kind from the same shop except different branch .. and you can see some hands on the table.. they were crowding over the small table.. excited over the cake. hah ! =P

This is a pic shanlyn & huinee took at the same day(as the cake) on the gathering. nice one they got ! this is for them to save it in their com. xP~
Alright .. the next 3 are the same teddie .. its cute right ? umm.. i love it ALOT! its form mini toons so perhaps you've seen it before.. i know the teddy is such a poor thing bcos its wrapped in a plastic bag but i couldnt risk it getting DIRTY! imagine what would happen to its teddy fur.. =.=" oooH btw.. this teddy has got a small little tail on its back and its CUTE! kawaiiness. heh. a present from my bear~

alright.. thats all for this post. =) i've got to eat my lunch now. bye! xD

p0st 71 ` bleahhhhs~

2006-12-13T13:48:00.000+08:00

wad a sotong i m~ bleahhhs.. ><" i wanted to order mac delivery for lunch today but .. when i went downstairs to buy bubbletea~ i forgot all about it and actually bought RICE! omg! =.+ wad a blur sotong.. lols.. umm.. den something hurtful happened.. T.T" There's this guy near the rice stall that actually kind of mocked at me because im thin .. oh well.. it hurts but i wont take it to heart . hehs..

^^v umm.. i went to malaysia yesterday. hahs.. didnt inform most of u.. lols.. pai seh~ hehs.. actually went there to accompany mum only.. she nida settle some stuffs there.. and i did buy 3 sandals.. =\ mum says its for new year.. BLEAHS! umm.. i wanna buy some clothes lei~ those dress type whereby u can match it with jeans. hiakhiak~ i WANT TO GET THEM! =.+

hmm.. shanlyn~ huinee.. when u all free ?! =.+ go out again leis~ dohs.. so bored.. =.+ this sunday still got FD outing ~ i gonna help out. hehs.. aiyo~ so bored lei.. nth to blog de.. =.+ perhaps bcos i didnt go out much.. or shld i say.. i've been staying at home.. =.+ hao la.. end here.. *dusts away spiddy webs etc*

p0st 70 ` gahahaha.. a trip to science centre..

2006-11-25T20:59:00.000+08:00

Today, i went out with nee nee and shanlyn! heehees.. xP! Its been quite long since i had such an enjoyable day. Although it was tiring (something i have to admit), but.. i really loved it. oOohh.. and one thing.. they love taking pictures. hahahaha.. [x-.-] which is something im a little paranoid about because i always have the same POSES! booooooo! lOls.. =x

guess wad.. we went to the science centre today! O_O weird? i agree.. but it was fUn! hahas.. and imagine when we were there.. we were kind of like "aliens" because everyone there are like families.. with kids.. but we were teenagers.. bleahs.. 3 weirdos.. hhahahaha.. its like.. who would ever think of going science centre.. and im talking about teens.. bla blahhhh! =x hehehe.. umm.. quite fuN lei.. the shop dere so nice! gu gu gu~ lOls. im crazy.. =D

hmm.. but i feel that science kind of boring apart from the water place.. lols.. umm.. we went dere in the afternoon bahs.. ard 3pm.. before dat me n shan actually met first but cos we kind of early so shop around lors.. went to this fashion and i saw a white skirt i like.. omg.. den was kind of hungry and it so happened dat there's pasar malam dere.. so get some snacks.. bought waffle hotdog and sugar cane drink.. xD went we were about to head back to the interchange to take bus to science centre.. WOOTS! guess what.. we saw lots of "police soldiers" somehow.. i forget how to address them.. hah.. forgive me.. umm.. they are those that patrol the mrt or airport normally in grps of 4 but today we saw ONE WHOLE BIG GRP! All of us startled lors.. stand dere tio shock.. den a few secs later.. me and shan get on with our journey.. lols.. but i was still kidding with her.. asking her got shuai ge among those guys a not.. but sadly.. no! All of them can be papa liaos.. hah..

umm... dere was a few pictures taken dat was nice to me.. hah.. anyway.. lets continue abt my day.. haha.. we went to macdonalds after that to settle our tummies.. haha.. i didnt eat much.. im having poor appetite recently. omg?! =x we went to Jurong after that having in mind of taking neoprints and making my own handmade bear! But, i was disappointed. we didnt find any of the shops to take neoprints or make handmade bears.. instead i found a shop which provides beads and "jewels" for eu to stick on ur hp to decorate.. KAWAII NEHS! lols.. i wannnnnn~ x3 hehe.. i rmb bugis street got. hehe..

hmm.. actually today considered quite "fruitful".. lols.. bought quite a number of items.. like storybk.. a book to note down poems.. 2 pens.. eraser pen refill.. yeahs.. warheads sour liquid candy.. anklet~ yeaps.. oooo.. and a pair of bear earrings. haha.. umms.. i saw something in 77th street i oso like! x( saddd.. bleahs.. umm.. its kind of a dress bah.. but short type.. can match with jeans.. hehe.. yeaps..

Anyway thats about it all for today. hahas.. quite tired le.. so~ biebie all! hehe.. take care!

p0st 69 ` booo laa laaaaaa!

2006-11-01T12:05:00.000+08:00

hahahahhas.. alright.. until now my mood's quite okay.. xp~ [=.="] hmms.. playing gaia hehe.. halloween is fun! ("-o.o-) LOL! hmm.. the internet installation guy shld come my hse at 1-3pm but instead he reached at 11+am! *phews* hehehehe.. luckily i woke earlier.. =x hahahaha.. ["x.x] the installation was quick and yupps, im back to blogging heh.. ("x^0^) okay.. so.. now serious.. [><"] my 'O' lvl first paper is on 6th Nov!! OMG?! x.x" *nervous* bleahhhhs.. nida study too.. [>.<"] hope everything will be going on smoothly.. hehs..

booooo.. [.^^."] i cant blog much anyways but for those of u interested when my papers end.. my last paper is on 20th Nov but in between 11th - 19th i've got no papers. hehs.. thats for me only.. [x-.-] cos others got diff dates cos they are taking diff subjects too.. hees.. bleahs.. hmm.. just to add on i watch finish goong le! WOOT! i finished the vcd in 2 days.. lols.. was like addicted to it.. weets! i wouldnt mind watching it again but i lend it to denise.. [-.-x"] booooo~ lols.. alright..

take care all.. might nt be blogging during my exams.. hehes.. feel free to contact me.. if you wanna go out with me tgt, sms me orhs!

my thoughts ( chinese )

2006-10-12T00:43:00.000+08:00

下着雨我走在道路上, 不在乎自己有没有被淋湿,样子有多憔悴.. 我的心很痛, 一阵阵的刺痛像刀一般刺进我心里.. 我一步一步的往终点走去,眼泪往脸颊留下.. 我那脆弱的心灵, 就这样被你的那几句话伤得像鬼一般.. 已不存在.. 我曾经像天使一样的纯真但是预见你的那一刻开始.. 我授进耻辱. 你已经在不知不觉中伤害了我, 在我生命中留下疤痕.. 我恨你的存在..

p0st 68 ` boooooo~

2006-10-09T18:46:00.000+08:00

bleahhhs.. sometimes i really hate my mum.. its like.. it was her who say dun let my cousins or grandma noe abt having laptop.. den WHY IS SHE THE ONE WHO TELL MY GRANDMA ABT IT?! wth?! damn irritated lor.. sometimes or perhaps quite often i get scolded for nth.. and she's the kind tat want her face.. she noe her fault.. but will say things like "u dun rude to me k" or "im ur mum lei".. kns.. so what.. it doesnt work on me.. mum doesnt mean eu dont set a good role model.. if its ur fault den admit or stfu.. dun agrue marhs.. her fault keep push it to me.. kns lor.. for small minor things she nag.. i think she can break world record.. for "NAGGING MUM" .. cos since i was a child.. as far as i could rmb.. perhaps even b4 i was born she's been nagging daily.. my grandma told me that.. everyone fears her nagging.. its just so annoying.. i mean why cant she just reflect on herself.. i dun agree its a habit to a large extent since she can just TAPE her mouth up..

dont say im unfillial .. i know i am when im saying all these crap but just imagine ur mum keeps nagging at eu EVERY SINGLE DAY WITHOUT FAIL?! you will just go crazy.. and im almost there.. zz.. crap.. i just hate my life.. im going to go insane with her naggings.. crappy mum.. bleahs.. anyway.. im having a bad time now.. i wonder if bear is angry at me.. although bear claims not.. [><"] haiz.. im just feeling terrible.. x( haiz.. umms.. my practical is coming up soon.. bleahhhs.. im just confused lars.. with everything going wrong.. (T-T") just to add.. i think a coffeeshop near my hse sells yummy laksa.. lOls.. =x yummm~ x)~

recently there's this haze probbie thats killing me too.. it worsens my heart condition.. harder to breathe.. terrible. bleahs! hazie~~ ><" umm.. perhaps i'll stop here. hahas.. oso dunno wad to blog.. x.x"

p0st 67 ` yi chang huan xi yi chang kong

2006-09-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

bleahs.. alright.. i shall blog what happened.. -.=" my mum and me went to habourfront "big megastore" as they were having sales. my mum promised me to buy me lappy if i go with her.. so we went but initailly she refused to buy for me. -rawrs- i keep calling her a liar.. =x and i almost cried on fone while confiding what happened. bleahs! because i really really want a new laptop since the old one is causing some problems for me.. and guess what.. i really wanted this LG pink phone too and i couldnt find it at many places.. i was told the company stopped the production for this phone and my heart sank.. it was my dream phone!! hehes.. as u noe i liked pink~ =x LoLx.. i was sad for a day.. but who knows.. 2 days later which was yesterday (17th Sep 2006), i saw the handphone at Big Megastore!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO! i kept asking my mum to buy it for me but she refused. All she did was just look at her stuff and fridges.. which we dont nid any fridge now! -.=

After quite some time.. mabbe hrs later.. my mum finally agreed to get me the handphone since my nokia hp is causing me trooubles too. -dots- kakaka.. So i finally got y dream phone LG-G282! heehees.. umms.. den i ask her to get me a lappy too.. after thinking she said we should go and look first.. so i brought her to the laptop section.. There was only one Fugitsu laptop.. No HP laptops.. sad! All Acer and NEC.. which are not that good. LoLs.. so we got the fujitsu laptop in the end but i was stunned when she agreed. LOL! i was so happy the whole day but i was told not to let my grandma know about this. =\ hmm.. the bad thing is.. i realised i couldnt play MapleStory on this LAPTOP! -sobbbs- i dont know why! Im able to login but when i double click on my character i get booted back to the login page and it says "unable to log on to game server. Pls try again later" sadd! i tried several times le.. from afternoon to evening. saddd! still cannot.. haiz.. i dont know what to do.. bleahs..

anyways.. i'll be having my heart appointment on 20th Sep 2006 which is 2 days later!! OMG! arghs! i hope everything will turn out right. ><" wish myself good luck. LOL.. haiz.. saaddd~ =( alright. i should stop here.. take care yupps..

p0st 66 ` a peep into misery [2]

2006-08-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

hmm.. ii doubt i have much time to blog but i will try my best. hehes.. actually im feeling kind of "stretched" now.. i feel as if im being pushed to the limit. EVERYDAY my mum would nag at me.. it isnt just any other simple nagging.. she has NEVER supported me.. today when she saw my portfilo, guess what she commented? she said i dont have the talent to draw. i've got nothing to say.. if that is what she feel. I feel as if she isnt my mum.. she totally dont understand how i feel.. she doesnt give me moral support at all.. everyday she'd nag at me.. saying why i didnt go ITE.. etc etc.. im tired of all these.. WHY DONT SHE ASK HERSELF WHY SHe FORCED ME TO TAKE POA! im never the POA kind of person.. if i took DnT, things would be totally different now.. at least i wouldnt have diffculty with POA, i wouldnt hate sch that much.. i might even cope well with my subjects.

i dont know what to say. i feel as if im going crazy, im about to tear apart. This feels terrible. Really. All my mum says is im not clever enough etc etc comapring me with my cousins. my cousins and I is totally DIFFERENT. firstly we dont look the same, we dont have same dna etc etc. AND they've got foundation since young i dont. they learn piano, go tution.. they got parents to company them every weekend. i dont. its different. i hate my mum. all she does is complain about me not being perfect. not being the perfect girl she wants.. I am who i am.. yes, im stupid, at least thats what she said. i'll never forget. NEVER.

i guess for the rest of my life, i'll never love my mum much. i do understand she's my mum, she gave birth to me and other long winded stuff.. but i want to ask a question. SINCE WHEN DID SHE TAKE GOOD CARE OF ME SINCE birth. Yes i am much more fortunate than other orphans but if she decides to give birth to me, she should bear the responsibility of giving me parental love, not having me being tortured by a nanny, not working everyday. Money is important to a certain extent but as a child i need my parents to accompany me.. To have family day.. to understand what i've been through in sch. she doesnt. we totally dont "click".

I still rmb once when i was having oral in my secondary sch times.. my teacher Ms low asked me as part of the conversation for chinese oral.. to tell her about one memorable family outing i had. guess what. i kept quiet for a moment. you should be asking why right. let me tell u why. because it strucked me that i could rmb NONE! I even had to MAKE up one. i still rmb i said abt going sentosa.. AND i definitely knew what i said was lousy.. perhaps ms low knew i made it up. but even if its all over, i've forgotten abt that incident. never. Everytime i go out with my parents, its wither to go shopping for groceries, clothes or stuff.. we dont really communicate. Its just tagging along.

Sometimes when i talk to my mum.. i still rmb, how much it hurts.. when she told me to keep quiet. I was just trying to communicate with her. She asked to keep quiet. FINE. i made up my mind. So be it. haiz.. im just afraid i'll be soft hearted. bleahs! alright.. feel much better now. rahhhs! take care all.. nites.. my shoulder hurts. -sobbbs-

p0st 65 ` poem.

2006-08-16T17:05:00.000+08:00

umms.. here is a poem that i just got inspired of. x^^x

I felt my heart beat slowing second by second,
I knew its time to say goodbye to all..
Tears flooded down my cheeks,
Thanks for all the beautiful memories u've left me..

yeaps. i edited abit from my draft one. ^^" not quite good i guess. -sighs- sorry for not updating the blog.. im quite lazy nowadays. hehes.. tired too. busy with lots of stuff. haha. feel free to msn or sms me. I'll reply asap when i see it. thanks.

p0st 64 ` quiz results for FF~

2006-08-12T13:59:00.000+08:00

omg.. i got this result for the quiz. try it!

Which FF Character Are You?

p0st 63 ` a peak into my misery [1]

2006-07-29T00:45:00.000+08:00

this is a post i've written down in paper but didnt manage to be able to blog. so now here it is.. its from a few days ago. here it is.. i'll type it out as a duplicate from the original one i had written. x^^x

kaox..i really cant stand my mum.. im like stretched to the limit.. every nite she'd nag at me.. and all her nagging just remains in my brain.. It doesnt get out! >.<" -grrs- I've tried to avoid arguing or quarrelling with her.. but to no vail.. I just couldnt stand her! bleahs! she takes my silence fer granted. Instead of understanding me, she does not care abt my reasons for becoming the "me" i had now became.. instead all she does is scold. I've had enuff.. I almost felt as if im abt to burst.. like im abt to go crazy.. im afraid i'll go worst.. i dont want to have any mental probs.. thats scary.. =.=

-sighs- every nite, i couldnt get to slp.. what bothers me is my mum's naggings.. sometimes i'd question myself.. does she really care abt me.. i know she love me.. but care is a different thing.. what i mean is how a mother shld care for a child.. ^^ not the kind of material care.. i doubt so.. i've tried to communicate with her.. but rarely we can communicate without quarrelling. sometimes she'd even scold me.. when i dun even noe what wrong i've done.. help me! this is a cry from deep within my heart.. a struggle to continue life.. i hate life.. i wish it end right at this moment.. ><" cos.. i know i cant stand it any longer.. i've reached my limit.. im abt to lose my senses.. >.<" but wad can i do? -sighs- i've gt no best frens to care abt me, they r all busy with their stuff.. i feel so isolated..

That feeling of "abt to go crazy" is really terrible.. i wanna run awae from it.. but i noe i cant.. it had already happened to me when i was young.. im just a line awae from crazy.. sighs..

if only i could return back to normal...

p0st 62 ` laziness~!

2006-07-05T00:12:00.000+08:00

hahs.. okaes.. finally blogged.hahs.. *wipes away dusts & cobwebs* x))~ hmms.. actually not really no time blog.. is partly lazy la.. haha.. =\ okaes.. my fault.. [-.-x"] but oso dunno wan blog wad marhs.. cos i recently like got lao ren chi dai liddat.. [-.-" ] very fast forget things lor~!! And its so damn irritatin'.. -grrs- hmms.. alot of things happened.. my grandma hospitalised again.. but currently at home le la.. hurhurhur.. but i feel funny.. i visited her today together(short form tgt) with my dad, and i talked to my grandma.. but she told me to visit her more often bcos she has not much days left.. and im like huh? why my grandma tok like this.. =\ sighs.. im kind of worried.. and troubled too.. [T.Tx]

okaes.. my mum told me that my sis had this bad dream that me, my sis and another cousin of mine went out and something REAL BAD happened to us.. this is no joke.. and my sis's dreams do come true.. u get wad i mean? my dreams do come true too.. and its like after a period of time la.. but my sis is worried so she told my mum to tell me try not to go out.. =\ im kind of scared i guess.. cos i noe and i can feel it.. its like sth terrible.. ><" im not scaring myself.. but i can feel it.. haiz.. when i was about to cross the road today, i looked at the cars and i dunno y i kind of get freaked out.. as if sth wud happen to me involving cars some day.. i dunno if my sis's words are affecting me or wad.. but i definately can feel it.. [-.-"] well o well.. i do hope its not true.. =(

hmms.. 'O' levels EL oral is coming.. aug.. sadded.. haiz.. ARGHHHHHHHHH!! wad shld i do. omg omg!! arghs.. dread o lvls.. duhs.. im afraid i cant get gd results.. aiz.. okok.. work hard.. ><" GOGOGO!! JIA U! hahs.. =x im crazy.. bleahhs.. ok.. i gotta end here.. my mum's nagging.. i hate her recently.. she's been nagging most of the time i c her.. duhs.. And its REAL irritating.. nag these n that.. grrrrs.. okiies.. take care wors.. buaiie buaiie~!!

p0st 61 ` notice!!

2006-06-16T00:47:00.000+08:00

okaes.. i've got some announcement to make.. [x^^]

There'll be a Ssa FD sports carnival this coming sunday(18th june 2006) at Bedok stadium.. everyone welcomed. but if u wanna come pls inform me either msn, tagboard(nt prefered), email or sms. thx.

Next, This coming saturday(17th June 2006), 7.30pm - 9.45pm.. there'll be a peace party at toa payoh.. FOR FEMALES WHO ARE SINGLE! Im one of the organisers and i hope u gals can go. really.. if u r interested pls msn, sms, email or call me asap. ty. There'll be games n food. no worries..

okaes. done. im actually quite sad bcos i invited some ppl to the peace party but they told me they couldnt make it.. i feel that if u have the heart, u will go. yupps.. sighs.. its really depressing that no one's telling me "hey i can go for the peace party!!" that kind of stuff.. all i received are reasons y they cant attend. haiz.. i really hope there'll be ppl contacting me telling me they wanna go. hao shang xing.. haiz..

p0st 60 ` hiaks!

2006-06-07T23:28:00.001+08:00

waooo.. its been decades since i post? ahahahhaha.. i suddenly got crazy with curry chicken.. ["-.-] been busy recently lehs.. with Peace Party, daimokusn zalankai.. hees.. but its related to ssa la.. but for the Peace Party im one of the organisers.. hees.. that day im the emcee wor!! my gdness.. hahs! hmms.. i oso dunno.. suddenly forget what i wanted to blog.. [x-.-] oo yahs.. i grew a little fatter!! HEES! last time if touch my back u can feel the shape of the bone.. but now not so much.. my feet got a lil more flesh.. last time can c shape of bones.. my gdness.. hehes.. kae lars.. late lers.. but must thank gohonzon oso.. at least its a lil' improvement.. hehes.. kk.. stop here.. bbuaiies!!

p0st 59 ` sick sick. x[

2006-05-25T10:49:00.000+08:00

sobbz.. was sick.. from.. dunno when? lolx.. but wasnt feeling quite well the day b4 ytd until now.. aiyo yo.. when to seoul garden with 2 others.. although i didnt eat much.. =\ but u noe wad?! ii saw jack neo.. n his family.. wahhs!! loLx.. got 2 chiobu(in my opinon), sitting bside our table.. but they lesbians.. [-.-x] sighs.. sick sick.. feeling so terrible.. even went for tution ytd.. den like no strength.. and somemore wan faint.. alamakks.. kae la.. cos didnt plan to blog much.. so i stop here lo. hehes. take care hars.. btw xiaoBai bai.. free must meet me!! u n hn.. cos got thig to pass to u 2. hehes. buaiix!

p0st 58 ` wows!

2006-05-16T13:06:00.000+08:00

omgz!! im back at tamp for quite some time but hasnt blog bcos of 1 simple reason.. laziness!! [x-.-] okaes.. so.. quite tired lars.. been busy with soka stuff n my tution.. and of cos com.. lolx.. =x kkaes.. anyone miss me? =l hmms.. im quite happy cos hp accepted my buddy request in msn.. lolx.. as in i added her.. lolx.. im oso elated that she wants to help me in my studdies! kekes.. friends back! hehehe!! yipee ke doos! nvm nvm.. i noe i mumble all dese weird stuff sometimes.. sometimes i didnt say out.. kept it in my heart in case u all think i crazy.. lolx.. =x hmms.. hope can meet her up.. but.. [x.x"] my tution.. sighs.. i dread tution.. =( owaes tution.. but i still can cope with it.. hees.. umms.. got some family probs going on..

i cant get along well with my mum.. i seem to be always quarrelling with her.. some times or perhaps i should say i cant stand her.. [-.-x] she always scold me here & dere.. zzz.. sometimes she never ask properly and she starts scolding me.. in the end not my fault.. kns.. and she love to tell others my problems.. like my heart condition etc etc.. HEY! THAT IS MY PERSONAL PROB.. I DONT NEED THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWING I HAVE HEART PROBLEM! THINKING IM NOT NORMAL! kaox.. i told her off last time liaos she still liddat.. cant jus change her habit.. zzz.. cant stand her.. sometimes cos i say her.. she not happy she find things to scold me.. zz.. bth.. i didnt even buy her mothers day gift.. because of 1 simple reason.. she dont appreciate what we give.. when we(me n my sis) took the effort to celebrate for her.. she complains abt it.. like waste money etc.. make card she oso say.. den myself dun buy..

hmms.. enuff abt her.. ^-^ recently i just cant seem to sleep.. sighs.. but dey say i grew fatter.. 0.0" abit lars.. as in the face.. u cant c the bones as obvious as u compare to last time.. my feet too.. lolx.. more flesh.. but i guess nt much.. cos i last weigh myself is 39.5kg.. lolx.. kkaes.. i gotta end here.. [-.-x] got things to do.. bbuaiies!

p0st 57 ` neh neh ni pu poos!

2006-04-21T17:07:00.000+08:00

xD~ hihi everybody! its been some time since i last blogged. hehs.. umms.. i've been staying at my mum's place still in the mean time.. =l life's okay for me except the alone in hse & cleaning doggies' poo poos part. its terrible. ewww.. smelly! [-.-x] u peeps wudnt like it. sobs. but poor me gotta clean it up.. hmms.. wanna noe sth? heehees!! im wearing contact lenses nw.. coloured one! heehees! [.^^] nt bad.. it makes my eyes bigger! O.O woots. lols.. sorry, i've gt np pics for u ppl to look at cos i havent take any with my new contact lenses.. hehes.. [^^.] how's life for u ppl? i heard from cia dat most of the 5n(s) dat got enrolled in poly are nw in camp.. nt bad ehs?.. sighs.. oo yahs.. i oso got to noe dat dat toopid bing qi lin, ken n wh in NYP.. WHEEEEEEEES!! gratz to me.. wahahahhaa.. wun c dem.. [.^^] but dino in TP engineering.. whoopsies.. =l hehes.. bell in TP too.. heehees.. best wishes to her.. [.^^.] umms.. who else.. lemme think.. Josephine in NAFA(design sch).. =\ yeaps..

no matter if i like dem or nt, wish dem the best of lucks.. hehes.. umms.. well o well.. this yr i gotta work hard.. [x^^] hees.. noe sth? hehes.. I....ii....i... GAINED WEIGHT! wooooooooooots! surprise yeah? hahas.. i oso very surprised when i happened to take my weight on the weight scale (of cos).. haha.. 39.5kg! wows! gained 1.5kg.. hahas.. finally exceeded the 38kg.. gained quite a lot.. from 35kg to 39.5.. wows.. nt bad.. haha.. umms.. actually.. my mum still dont know abt my contact lenses.. i suppose.. hehes..

umms.. sighs.. boredom.. x[ wondering whether i shld go for JJ party this sunday.. shld i? =l but haf to wait from morning to night.. duhs.. laziness.. hahas.. kkaes.. i end here.. oh yars.. i changed hp loes.. sony ericsson z520i, but no. nvr change.. so dun worry.. [x^^x] bbaii..

p0st 56 ` bored-ed~~

2006-04-07T17:42:00.000+08:00

sighs.. bored bored.. [T.T"] im still staying at tampines temporarily, so pls take note of this. ["^-^] umms.. quiet bored dere(tamp).. cos no internet to use.. [-.-x] and poor me.. haf to clean up all da "business" my doggies made at home.. ["-.-] so smellyyyyy loes.. but wad can i do.. ["._.] hmms.. kind of slacking le bahs.. but im trying to work harder? as in when free i do my homework.. hehes.. umms.. i haf this CPU/com in mind.. hehes.. my mum says when its slightly cheaper den buy.. [x^^] hope its true.. [x-.-] but i guess she like oso bahs.. cos it can listen to radio, watch tv n even record the programmes.. if lets say u gtg out or sth u can pause it.. come back le continue de lehs! gd arhs! =x hehes.. sians.. x[ oso dunno wad to blog liaos..

im thinking of going kbox.. but who shall i go with? ["T.T] somemore its like mths been i went, so i guess my singing sarks.. duhs.. ><" helppp.. how? sighs.. so long neber meet frens lo.. sighs.. aiyas.. i end here le.. [-.-x"]

p0st 55 ` darn..

2006-03-30T15:36:00.000+08:00

duhs.. hihoho everyone. x[ im currently unable to blog or come online.. fer those who dunno, cos im stayin at tampines temporarily.. hahas.. nt sure if it'll become "permanent". [T.Tx"] well.. my grandma after discharge, is in hosp again.. sighs.. and this time gt to amputate higher.. x[ sighs.. im quite worried for her, just tat i keep everything in my heart. =\ i've been told by my aunt tat my grandma is nt quite "comfortable" with ampuating higher(her leg).. cos u noe all ppl haf those traditional thinking that when dey depart from this world, they must haf everything in tact.. like legs, hands.. tat kind of thing. [-.-x"]

alright.. hehes.. well o well.. wad else cumms.. i visited my grandma ytd nite.. n she was okae.. but i heard in afternoon she like crazy liddat, see le very scary. [o.o"] aizz.. dey say its a major operation this time.. =( hope she'll be alright.. well o well, wad can i sae.. [-.-x] sighs..

umms.. been staying at tamp.. n im okay dere.. jus tat i've been having mosquito bites everyday.. n i HATE dem.. grrs.. irritating pests.. x[ oo yars!! i hurt a part of my feet.. while cooking noodles.. lolx.. actually im expecting more because while im cooking, im like quite clumsy.. sighs.. i was praying i wun fall n had the hot pot clashed on me.. -.-x duhs.. blame my "clever" mum.. dunno for wad cooking area but the wooden planks dere.. must be she think she too short.. -.-x i quite a few times almost fell off it.. DUHS! luckily im blessed.. hahas!

umms.. didnt intend to blog much.. just abit more n i'll poof off.. hehes.. it had been quite some time since i meet up with my frens.. like shanlyn, kaiern, huiying, huinee, bell, cia.. sighs.. perhaps im forgotten, or dey r too bz.. or who noes. -.-x" well well.. ding-lic-ke-dong ki-le bing-ding.. im off! meeeooows!

p.s my laptop's abit sot le.

p0st 54 ` sighs!!

2006-03-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

haizz.. guess wad.. my grandma gt admitted into hosp jus nw.. (nite at abt 10pm).. sighs.. i shld haf known.. she kept moaning in pain.. x[ haiz.. den in hosp she keep sayong y dun jus let her go to "tat path".. meaning death.. =\ sighs.. i know she's in pain.. she's suffering.. i cant help.. i dunno wad i can do.. its like i everyday see the pain she undergo.. u all wun understand de.. sighs.. i almost wanted to cry in the hosp but fortunately i controlled.. haiz.. i really wish she'll b better.. now the doc says got to amputate higher.. dat means the front part of her feet, of the right side, where the stroke is, got to b amputated.. but the adults are convincing her.. =\ cos elderly owaes cannot accept it de mah.. so slowly loes.. but if me i oso rather die den to aputate n stuff.. duhs!! kkaes.. -choi!-

umms.. i really dunno wad to do.. how can i help her.. =[ sighs.. to say the truth, i noe once u old dere is owaes a point in time u will haf to go.. but to the people ard, it is a kind of pain.. and no one will want it to happen.. not to my grandma.. sighs.. since young, she's been suffering.. she has been hoping her leg will b okay so she can go tour.. but now.. aiz.. and if she gets her feet amputated, she'll b very depressed.. its like she scared pai seh or sth(shortcut for me for something), so she dunwan go for walk downstairs(my aunt hse void deck).. haiz.. i really wish she'd b okay. x[

haiz.. lets tok abt sth else.. i went out to buy eunice's present todae(eunice is my cousin).. duhs.. i bought a jar(100g) of sweets.. expensive kind.. which i knew she like cos dat time i bought she keeps asking for more.. its imported from australia.. =\ hmms.. so its settled.. hahas.. but her present cost me quite abit.. especially when im tight with my bucks.. bleahs.. but i think i've done wad shld do.. being the elder one.. at least i bought her present.. which HER family didnt when it was mine.. so its kind of unfair.. im not being calculative or wad.. but its kind of courtesy dat she shld buy back presents mah! Especially when im her elder cousin!! -hmpfs- but wad can i say, its over.. dohs! Anyway i just hope she likes the present i bought.. hehes..

oh well.. im still staying at my aunt hse.. [x^^x] umms.. i tink i shld end here.. hehes.. its late.. but i havent slp cos i jus had supper n its nt gd for health to slp after eating.. xP

kkaes.. take care all.. mwahhs.. nites.. poof!!

p0st 53 ` troubled.

2006-03-20T20:29:00.000+08:00

sighs.. right nw im very unhappy.. its like there is sorrow in me.. sorrow, helpless-ness and pain... i noe my grandma is in pain now.. but.. i just dunno how to help her.. =( haiz.. neither do i think im of help.. [-.-x] hmms... her feet seems to be very "bloated".. aiz.. she always sae die le better.. i know she is suffering.. aiz.. but wad can i do.. [>.<"] my auntie told me once, tat if a person is not experiencing pain or wadever.. he or she wun say wan to die de.. sighs.. wo ye hao tong ku orhs!! x[ but i oso dunno wad i can do.. so useless.. duhs!

hmms.. todae after tution, on the way back to grandma hse, i went to the minimart.. hehes.. i intended to buy the lightsticks eunice wanted ytd.. den.. -WOWS!- dere's this guy.. hmms.. quite ok la.. nt say very handsome.. hahas.. but he gt small lil' eyes.. hees.. den his style is like hip hop kind? hahas.. den the minimart uncle stands in the center of me n him nahs.. hahas.. den he look over to me in a shy manner.. n smile.. lOl.. i was like having this instant reaction.. huh? dat kind of thing.. =\

hmms.. currently msning with kor n gary.. hehes.. den kor wans to find a gf.. lol.. n gary reccommended ruhua.. omg! den in front of my cousin's com i keep smiling.. like siao liaos.. lolx.. imagine if someone sees me do dat.. duhs!! umms.. bored.. since after o lvls result.. or shld i say after o lvl exam 2005, i've nt been going out with my frens.. i feel as if like i lost all my friends.. sighs.. i felt as if im isolated from others.. =( hmms.. im hafing a fun time msning with kor n him.. hahahs.. xP~

umms.. but haiz.. since im retaking o lvls, i feel very stressed oso.. like no time for myself liddat.. everytime tution tution tution.. so tired.. sighs.. i got not enuff time for otherr subjects too! ~.~" how? aiz.. sadded la me.. Eric handed me these stacks of worksheets.. -.-x.. haiz.. must do so many.. dohs!! And he hors!! todae dun need bring bks dun lemme noe.. at least sms mah.. make me carry so heavy.. duhs! -meeows!- kkaes.. im totally crazy.. xD i guess i shld end here.. damn hot now.. i mean im feeling very hot.. cos fan nt blowing.. towards me.. x.x" kkaes.. poofs..

p0st 52 ` omG!!

2006-03-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

duhs.. sorry for not updating.. ^^ but i've gt reasons!! -bleahhz- i've temporarily moved to my aunt's hse together with my grandma.. ^^ its actually bcos my grandma under-when an operation.. n its more convenient for her to stay with aunt.. ^^ oso for safety measures.. xP So as u all noe.. i move to aunt hse dun hab own connection mahs.. my cousin oso dun haf wireless.. so poor me loes!! [T.T"] its quite bored for me dere since i've gt no internet to surf n play.. duhs.. i ask my cousin he oso reluctant.. -sian 1/2- its like so wad.. zzz.. but cannot say anything mahhs.. but at least i gt plae awhile.. n when he's out.. which is so seldom.. [-.-x] hmms.. im in a quite chirpy mood.. perhaps bcos BRYAN WON!! -weeets- hehe.. i prefer bryan wong to Leo.. =x and im toking abt star idol.. haha.. =x weeeeeee... kkaess.. -zips mouth-

hmms.. i realise im quite forgetful liao le wor.. and its "quite".. get wad i mean? its like a few moments nia n i forget something.. zzz.. troublesome!! like wad i need to buy etc etc.. dohs! i old le.. hohoho.. =x hahas.. nowadays tution hn working so cant pei wo.. den shan oso not free i suppose.. n it isnt gd to ask her come to just pei wo mahh.. so bo ask.. duhs.. but Eric seems to come late recently.. den i ownself start my assesment.. hmms.. den during tution he sometimes oso go dunno whr de wor.. but its ok.. hehe.. cos i nth ask him yet.. hehe.. =p haiiz.. im quite troubled too.. [-.-x]

dunno why i feel so paranoid.. its like since im one of the "young" ones in the family.. i shld b greeting my aunts n uncles.. but i just dun greet dem when i c dem lo.. so i suppose they'll tok bad things abt me bahs.. like i no manners n stuff liddat.. -sighs- but its just my character.. im the quiet sort.. i dun like to greet ppl.. im kind of anti social.. i dun just go up to ppl n b friendly.. get it? dats me.. [-.-x] u cant change wad i m.. "A Leopard Cant Change Its Spots" -sighs- wad shld i do? i oso realised now dat im older.. dat my family stuffs are complicating.. haiiz.. i mean family as in one big family.. nt just me, my parents n my sis.. duhs!! haiiz..

hmms.. actually, im kind of worried too.. cos im afraid dere wud b relationship probs for me.. it seems like me n him sometimes "bu he".. get it? haiz.. =( n quite some times is i m misunderstood-ed.. dohs.. zhen me ban? [T.Tx"] - zhen de shi.. shang nao jing ah - LOL! =x so long liaos i still rmb.. meeeeows!! xD~ sorry sorry.. but recently im kind of "crazy".. hehe.. beware of me.. i can ask something but reply myself de.. lol.. siao le.. =x umms.. just a warning.. beware.. haha.. kkaes.. i'll end here ahs.. =x mabbe wan change blogskin again.. weets! =x dun miss wo!!

note!!

2006-03-02T16:52:00.000+08:00

Listen Up All,

I've Just added a video i found on other webby and added it in my blog!! Not sure if u guys like it but it sure left some impression in me.. not metal or rock but i think its nice.. hehes.. plus the Final Fantasy video.. omg!! purrfect! -yumms- kkaes.. i might consider changing videos erms.. like for eg monthly.. sth like tat.. so stay tune!! hope u guys will love it.. hehes. It's on the front page, the page where by u guys will reach when u first enter my blog. Dont click on anything.. hehes.. den scroll down.. Its after the marquee.. xP~

-illy the light

p0st 51 ` bad bad omen..

2006-02-22T11:50:00.000+08:00

...

sighs.. guess wad? a very very very extremely bad news.. x[ ytd when i went back to my parents hse, my mum said sth abt she gt tumor in her head.. ><" i didnt treat it seriously cos i nvr expect it to happen.. =( sighs.. then todae when i woke n came down, den i realise.. my grandma n aunt was downstairs.. dey were toking abt sth n i didnt noe wad it was.. cos dey talking in dialect.. i noe how to listen la.. it took me some time to figure out.. x[ so when i figure out.. i dreaded it happen.. ><" my grandma n aunt was actually toking abt my mum!! dey say wanna bring my muum to chinese physician.. cos the govt doc tell my mum, wait until it grew bigger den decide.. i listen le my tummy all fire.. *grrrs* ><" HOW CAN A DOC B LIKE THIS!! HOW CAN THEY LET SOMEONE LIKE THIS B A DOCTOR!! HOW CAN HE HAVE LISCENCE!! HOW IN THE HELL IS HE FITTED TO B A DOC!! *grrrs*

haiz.. dey still say wad my mum dunwan go c doc.. x[ haiz.. why.. why did this happen.. my mum cannot haf anything happen de.. sobbb.. my heart's in a struggle.. ><" sighs.. now i scared oso.. tution fee my mum ytd called n did say its alot.. sighs.. i mean mabbe to my tutor its cheap compared to market price.. but oso haf to c my family situation.. with alll these going on.. haiiz.. how? x( i really very worried.. though i've always quarrelled with my mum n dun like my mum n her naggings, but afterall she's my mum.. i noe she love n care for me.. x[ sighs.. how can this happen to my mum.. my mum in her life have never enjoyed herself.. she work n work.. tolerate all the scoldings from public etc.. haiz.. i pray tat she'll b fine.. sighs.. im so worried..

p0st 50 ` wad e hell!

2006-02-16T08:56:00.000+08:00

...

kaox.. i dun get it lor.. y so much.. for tution i mean.. 8 lessons is 320 originally but he wans me to pay extra 30.. n he(my tutor) says its for my own gd.. den he haben teach finish 16 lessons he wans 700 from me.. zzz.. he say he prefer money paid on 1st lesson.. but the impression he gimme is nt quite gd.. cos its like he is always talking abt money.. its like always ask me remind my dad.. yesh i understand he oso will worried cos tats his pay.. but.. aiya.. i dunno how to explain.. its like if he agreed on 320 with my mum, den y is he asking me to pay extra 30 MYSELF.. n not tell my parents bcos he scared dey worried.. dun u find it suspicious? =l i do though..

my dad oso tell me to cut down on the number of tutions.. cos it cannot b like he everytime say tution i haf to go.. like tat it amt up to 1k oso can.. =.= i mean per mth.. haiz.. im so troubled!! ><" wad shld i do.. i find it weird though.. although i noe he is in need of students but isnt it too much.. as in how can my dad pay n pay.. -.-x the worse part's i dun get it y he wan extra 30 from me n his reason is only "for my own gd".. aiz.. how?! mati con-kali liaos! x.x"

ytd nite i watched the results of the "ming xing ou xiang".. waaa!! lincoln out! o.o" bryan in!! x.x" haiz.. -grrrs- den saw tat idiot on tv.. =~ but i think lincoln de sis nt bad.. hehe.. quite sweet.. x^^x hees..

sighs.. i really gt no mood to tok abt other things.. this tution always gif my worries!! x.x" no choice.. haf to tell my tutor to cut dwn on number of lessons no matter wad cos it'll oso b a strain on my transport fees since im using adult fare.. =.=x AIZ!! i think he'll say cannot... blah blah blah bcos i need more lessons to cope.. haiz... how? =.=" i guess haf to wait till he reply my sms.. =.= sighs.. kkaes.. i end here.. [x^-^x] -poofs-

p0st 49 ` woots..

2006-02-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

wows.. been quite sometime since i blogged, yeah? -.-x" sighs.. i've got my results actually.. and u shld noe from the way i blogged.. i didnt get the results i wan.. i've got 34.. o.o" sighs.. qualifies only for ITE.. ><" but NVM! i will try harder!! i m going to retake.. xD ii wun let anyone down.. i will try my best.. i didnt plae much of maple now le.. hehes.. sounds gd to me.. xP~ today i went to watch "I Not Stupid Too".. OMG! i think its a touching show lo! i cried n cried!! duhs?! perhaps bcos i tink it kinds of applies to me.. i really wish my parents would take some time off n go watch it.. den dey will understand wad im thinking.. but too bad.. dey wont.. im serious.. all dey r busy abt is work.. my mum dun watch movies with me.. NOT ONCE in my life.. sighs..

Ever since i fainted in the temple while praying for "tai sui".. i feel like a cooped bird.. i hate my mum.. im not a kid.. i dun like the feeling of ppl treating me like one.. i noe how to go back on my own.. its nt as if i will faint everyday everywhr.. i noe its out of concern.. i noe she cares abt me.. BUT I told her b4.. i hate her telling the whole world abt me.. she cant stop blabbering abt my sickness etc etc.. i dun need tat.. all i need is privacy.. not her to nag at me.. all she does is nag n nag.. scold n scold.. i HATE her.. dun blame me.. but tats wad i feel.. since young , my parents dun care abt me.. dey dun spend time with me n my sis.. we always stay at home alone.. no outings with my parents..

sometimes i think i m "zi bi".. i didnt tell anione.. i will talk to the dog sometimes.. really.. in tampines de dog when i at home with my doggie alone.. sometimes i will tok to my toys.. aiiz.. my quiet nature isnt totally my fault.. the reason i shut myself from ppl is bcos since young, when i was bornt, i was left alone.. no one to interact with.. im always alone at home.. i face the wall.. sighs.. tats y i keep things to myself.. i dun tell my mum who my frens are n wads their names.. serious.. i find it of no use to say.. cos i doubt she'll rmb.. all she'll do is only tell dem how sick i m etc etc.. n i hate tat.. i dun need my frens to b like my bodyguards.. i m 18 this yr.. if she wans to treat me like a baby.. den y not forbid me from going out.. stay at home.. do nth.. like this nth can happen to me..

sighs.. can anyone understand how i feel.. yesh.. i did badly for my o lvls.. but i dun need everyone telling me wad to do.. i do wad i wan to do.. wad i tink will fit me best.. im not going to go back to sch to retake as skool candidate.. cos i hate SKOOL! esp tat skool.. not bartley.. NEVER bartley.. its all juz my nightmares.. sighs.. sometimes i tink i'd b better off dead.. my parents dun haf to worry abt me den.. haiz.. x[ my mum actually wanted me to go to ITE.. luckily my tutor helped me.. if not this is the end of my life.. haiiz.. now all i've got in my head is study hard.. but its tiring.. i haf to get up early.. ><" tats early to me.. hehes.. sorry im a pig.. xP

wheeewss! I finally received my first bouquet of flowers from my bf for valentines day!! omg.. hehe.. i love it alot.. x^^x [ Its not abt how good he look but how good he treats me ] hmms.. i've got to thank hn n shan too.. thx for beiing there when i need u.. thx alot.. esp hn.. i noe u helped me a whole lot.. ty.. sorry i didnt express my thanks personally.. i noe u understand.. ^^ i just dunno how to express myself.. perhaps tats y ppl always misunderstand me.. x[ sighs.. but im gald anyway tat scat called n said hp n jo asked me if i wanna go marina with dem.. xD but i already had a date so i couldnt go.. PLUS!! auntie denise called me.. n i feel so pissed off.. zzz..

all she say is chant chant chant.. she doesnt understand.. at this point of time.. i dun need her nagging.. i just need peace.. to b alone.. spared from all the wad to do.. haiz.. why does all the adults think dey r so great.. im not a dog.. im not here on earth to follow commands.. im here to lead a life of my own! -.-x kkaes.. shant continue.. im lazy.. hehes.. kkaes.. take care all.. not sure when will b the next time i blog.. =x been rather busy n tired.. forgive me yeah.. ty

p0st 48 ` wad a day.. for xmas!!

2005-12-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

gahhs.. wad a bad xmas i had today.. and i meant BAD! omg! ><" you'll nvr expect this happening... esp nt me.. =l sighs!! ><" i got pickpocket-ed at bugis mrt!! ><" duhs.. so suay orhs? =\ tml continue story.. kind of tired.. hehes..

pls stae tune for more info =x

hehes.. ^^ backiie!! =X its like 4.23pm now.. =x kekes.. xP kaes.. now feeling ok la.. but still kind of sad.. sobbbs.. how can this happen to me on xmas! =( i was abt to leave bugis heading to marina bay.. go eat steamboat or sth.. T-T den at bugis mrt, i kanna pickpocket!! *grrrs* i so toopid somemore! ><" den i didnt noe until the female police officer come n find me.. ask me if i had lose something.. den i see my baggie den immediately saw my dreamcatcher gone.. cos my dreamcatcher is like a hp assesory on my hp.. [-.-x"] DUHS! den went up to the control station tat lvl to the most end, den the female police officer ask me go to central police division.. duhs.. =( aiyas.. dunwan sae le.. sobbb.. wan noe ask me loes..

test results. ._.

2005-12-24T12:11:00.000+08:00

Green

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

hehs.. my test results.. =\ something ppl mail me.. dunno wad test true colours de.. =\ kkaes.. in a rush to soka tsc.. kekes.. tok to ya ltr!! =P *muacks*

p0st 47 ` slacking daes...

2005-12-22T21:50:00.000+08:00

wows!! holidays man!! *-* bleahhs.. first time im feeling kind of weird during holidays.. its like no where to go.. =.= and erms, kind of nothing to do. =[ muz b wondering y i didnt find job? hahas.. i did find a few, but dey dunwan me.. =.= ehs.. waiting for 2 others.. =x dunno will accept me nots.. hehes.. =P siians! -.-x lazy to blog liaos, nowadays.. ^^ hehes..

oh yars! i jus came back from taiwan a few days ago. =l hmms.. okae lars.. can say its fun but oso can say okae la.. kekes.. cos mummii neber go wib me.. =( den my other cousins got their mums with them.. so its like i feel kind of lack out.. no one to dote on me.. =\ ehs.. den dere very LITTLE.. its like rare to find bins.. =.= muz b wondering y? hahas.. the tour guide told us dat there the govt wans to show others they can manage their garbage well.. u noe the garbage can b "smell-less"!! *-* very pro.. =\ den they got these small trucks? ehs.. den got ads all over de.. den got music somemore!! my cousin say its a garbage truck.. =\ dun look like to me.. not quite sure.. kekes.. den hors.. dere de dogs.. mostly is dose kind little fur de.. hehes.. but i did saw shitzu and grandpa doggii .. kekes.. =p but cham.. i forget to buy pressies for my grandma n some other frens.. -.-x one prob is hard to find presents oso la.. keke.. dunno wad suit dem.. =\

as for my mum, i really dunno wad to buy for her cos its like she very fussy lo!! buy things she will say "u buy this no use la!" etc etc tat kind of stuff.. =( dats y i choose not to buy lo.. buy back let her scold de.. =.= duhs! den arhs, dere berii COLD! woots!! if the wind didnt blow rites, its kind of like u on air-con loes.. budden if the wind blows.. OMG! COLD LO! we will put our hands in the pocket.. kakaka.. =p one thing i dun like is dat we always haf to change hotel.. everyday.. =.= cos the tour is tour the whole taiwan de.. kaka.. siians.. i lazy blog le.. =\

so tired.. today went with cia n bell go job interview.. hehs.. *-* missed dem deep in my heart.. kekes.. truth lehs.. ^^ i love bell.. =X hahas.. its like she treat ppl very gd.. like with her true heart.. *-* so chio somemore!! i wan due hair nehs!! =\ brown? i dunno wad suits me.. duuhs! very long nvr go kbox oso le.. =\ kekes.. shan n huinee wan go nots? =X guess u all habing exams still rite? =X kakaka.. =x wows.. so fast dec le lor.. =.= few more months getting results liao rite.. ><" CHAM LA! i prepared to retake le lo.. really.. confirm cry dat day.. i noe my standard.. i guess i haf been slacking.. sighs.. things just happen badly this year.. ><" i m still thinking of hp, i really dun wish us to end like tat.. we used to be the bez-est bez fren but now dark n light separated le.. =( sighs!! i noe she dun read my blog but i really hope she sees this.. =\ sighs! kkaes.. i'll end here..

signing off~~

p0st 46 ` anger....

2005-11-30T11:57:00.000+08:00

well.. hey!! I m back for blogging!! =x lols.. i noe its been quite a long long long long ime since i blogged right? no worries.. lol.. hmms.. i've been sick for the past 3 days.. as well as todae.. =.=x aizz.. got sore throat on the first day which wasnt that serious but second day i avoided talking, because it was more serious. when i talk, it hurts.. =.= sighs... den i had fever!! OH MY GOSH!! o.o!! As far as i can remember for that day it was 38.5 degrees!! I was like feeling "soft" and strengthless.. hahas..den my aunt (i call her da gu gu) bought rou gan!! *-* I had congree for dinner? sighs.. so ke lian right? =[ then i was sitting at the back of the living room with glimmering eyes looking at them have that rou gan! =( den third day, i was finally better!! No more fever and my throat was okay, except i had phlegm( chinese its tán). den i ate a little of the rou gan!! ^^v kakaka.. but the sad thing was my NOSE!! i had running nose.. =.= meaning, every moment my nose would be accompanied by tissue.. i used up more than a box of tissue i guess ytd.. o.o"

And i thought i would recover todae.. but so sad.. not only my nose hurts, my throat kind of worsen a little compared to ytd.. -.-" bleahhhs.. =( sighs.. my aunt say its ard 2 weeks n we'll be going taiwan le.. but i m nt excited! Perhaps its because im sick.. im also worried.. =\ cos of my heart problem, i m worried if anything will happen to me on flight.. =l the air pressure n stuff.. u'll nvr noe right? =\ aizzz... =.= These days all thats in my mind is O levels.. i m worried abt my results!! =.= duhhs... and nw i forget what i wan blog..

oh oh!! this morning, my first aunt come.. *grrr* den i was at the kitchen.. n i dun like her nahs.. zz.. den i did nth lo.. n u noe wad she tell my grandma? zzz.. i saw n heard her pointing towards the kitchen direction(i walk out le), saying she nvr expect me to be so "sam seng" <- meaning gangster like, when i like so guai. KNN!! i wan b gangster like i can de norhs.. dun c i so nice bully come n step on my head.. i did nth out of no whr she said that!! zzz... towards family members i treat dem okae de lo.. unless dey come n make me.. =.= den after dat she say her sis whr got sick.. den i angry liaos.. she nt in my family she kpkb so much for wadd.. she dunno den diam la.. knn.. angry lo.. if last time my dad didnt give up hisjob as immigration officer to drive van for my grandpa to earn money let other siblings go uni, they got todae mehs.. now my dad haf to work as bus driver!! According to my mum(cos he immigration officer), she say if my dad didnt quit now promoted dunno hw many times! KNN! ask dem go die la.. wang en fu yi.. nt bcos of my dad dey nw got so high pay? bcome boss etc? got their own business n wadever shit? no lo.. knn..

zzz.. dun understand y my family so complicated.. -.-x kae la.. i end here.. my nose troubling me again! =.= shan take care orhs.. hn too!! xD ai si ni men le.. muahahahahah! =x *runs fo life*

p0st 45 ` =(

2005-11-04T19:21:00.000+08:00

sighhs. todae i finally noe hw to make blinkies!! x^^x heehees. made some lers.. =P umms.. kekes. the shuqi de ishh make for muaii mei de. nice hors? =X muahahahaha.. kae la kae la. i noe i noe.. -.-x" gt time i make for u all.. any requests post in taggy pls. =x umms.. didnt put it up cos blogspot doesnt support? i mean when i put it up its nt animated. ._.x" loLx.. =P shan u wan shan lub jerome de oso can! =X wahahaha.. umms.. i wan camera.. =( heard milliena walk harvey norman dere gt sale.. shld b cheap rites? hmms.. anyone can pei wo go?? o.o? cos i dun quite noe where it is.. =x i noe somewhr near suntec nia.. =l sighhs.. umms.. mondae start o lvls le.. how arhs? =x

shan shan.. i nt cfm can buy things for u from taiwan wors. mus depend on budget.. x^^x but i promise.. -.-"" dun worry i wun forget hn share oso =\ sighhs. i wonder who wud b readin my blog blog.. perhaps some invisible ones? those floating ard u noe.. kakakas.. =x kkae. i noe my blog entries recently very very very short. dunno y oso.. kekke.. kae la.. i nth to sae. bb.. =X

p0st 44 ` wows!

2005-11-03T22:03:00.000+08:00

woww! i didnt realised i posted so much at this blog lers! but i m going to continue it anyway. xD hmms.. i tried this quiz and this is my results! try it too! it s cool! 0_0v

muahahhaha. kkae. unbelievable. or is it true? o.o? lolx.. kkae.. i try more =x hahas.

wows. weird. fish ice cream?! 0.0" thats.. so... eeewww!! >.<" bleahhhs.. a few more days and o levels startinG! =( sighhs. i noe my standard n i totally haf no confidence in myself. =\

p0st 43 ` a little note?

2005-10-28T15:15:00.000+08:00

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

kakaka. dats muaii result when i took the quest! x^^x mabbe quite accurate? tats wad i think la.. kekeke. =x umms. shan shan going KL todae le. =( sighs. my kai xin guo gones. =( haiz. but she told me some shocking things! OMG! n wad i wan to tell nee nee is. NEVER! i object! o.o" if he is going to be with u, i'll never wan to see him. @@" hw can tat happen. eeww. =x hahas. though i noe he isnt a bad guy but.. omg. dunwan la.. =\ tats my feeling.. lolx.. and lastly to nee nee.. u ownself bao zong =X hahahas..

kae kaes. 'O' levels' nex week! OMG! T.T n im dreading tat moment! =( aiz. stress stress!

p0st 42 ` wads happening to me man!

2005-10-11T19:03:00.000+08:00

omgg! sighhs. wadd shld i do? i m now more frequently absent from skool.. cos of my frquent headache n giddiness. if it is minor i cud still manage.. i wud haf gone but recently, it isnt tat minor! my head feels like so heavy.. n its just like err.. i dunno how to explain but its liek a torture -.-x" sighs.. wad a weak body i haf.. always sick.. T.T i wanted to go to skool todae de.. ii was actually studying for my chem mock test ytd nite even though i m feeling so damn giddy n having headache!! sighs. how i wish i could improve my health conditions. recently i felt that living is a torture.. even when i breathe.. my every breath i take in.. its a suffering to me.. i take VERY deep breaths.. bcos of my heart problem. a few days ago.. i tink this monday, for our DST we had to go to the library for english.. den its like i am panting already! i didnt even walk the stairs.. i realised it while i was walking back to class from the break as i was accompanying wenting to the toliet.. sighs!

den i felt so breathless!! T.T its more serious loes.. like hen xin ku den can breath.. if i m not careful.. cham liaos.. i dunno how to explain but really.. though i kept quiet.. but wad can i do? the doctors say i m still quite alright.. kaox.. and this is not xin li zuo yong. CONFIRM! -.-x" hmms.. i guess my blog only shan will read bahhs.. kekeke.. tat time tracy ask me wads my blog add.. so i guess buddy dun visit my blog de.. *sadded* =( nvm!! =D must cheer up.. kakaka.. cannot blame la hor.. someone too busy with his love life oso.. muahahhahaahahh.. =x x^^x hmms.. sorrii shan if i didnt bother to update my blog.. been lazy recently.. heehee.. kae la i end here. i will try to force myself to study.. =D~ take care all~!!

p0st 41 ` sorry...

2005-09-17T17:01:00.000+08:00

wo hao tao yan nan hai zi.. wo hen ta men.. esp shuai ges.. i no longer haf interest in dem although sometimes i'd go "crazy" cos i see a shuaii ge.. but thats just not real in me.. just trying to make myself cheerful.. =| haizz.. i'm sorry guys if i hurt u in anyway by saying this.. ke shii.. i really dunno how to trust guys.. u all tell me lo.. which guy wont see chiobus.. which guy dont longed for a chiobu.. which guy wont want a gal tat has got brains n looks.. i m neither.. wo de xin hao tong.. must gals look great den guys wan? wad can i do? i m born this way.. inperfect in every angle.. sighhs.. a rubbish like me.. i pollutant like me.. nobodii hui wan de.. ppl see le wan avoid dou cant wait.. wo zhen de mei ban fa gu qi yong qi zai xiang xin shi jie.. i see the world with hatred.. why do i haf to born like tat.. >.<

u all can see from da fotos le ma.. how ulgy i m.. actually i've been thinking.. doll up got use mehs.. i m still thin.. like bamboo.. really can take bamboo stick compare with my hand.. sighhhs.. mabbe go for world record.. sure win de.. sighhhs.. not including those from south africa or wad la.. dey is no food.. i eat n eat oso wun fat.. sighhhs.. life's a torture to me.. shld i go see a doc? for my depression? n a counsellor for my problems? =l sighhhs.. forget it.. everything costs money.. aizzz..

heard from tracy buddy went pak tor todae.. LOL.. =P~ i sho happiiz for dem!! x^^x dunno real not thoughs =x but heeheex.. dey still together.. hao en ai x^^x.. heehees.. =x kae la.. i dun crazy over here.. later i kanna bash.. =( just like in ms.. everywhr oso tio bully.. sighhhs.. i hate this world.. >.<>.<>

p0st 40 ` photos!!

2005-09-15T20:53:00.000+08:00

hmms.. was too tired ytd to blog so i blog it todae.. but its abt ytd.. x^^x i went out with huinee n shan for a few hours =l to suntec n esplande ^^ den shan keep saying "durian durian".. lolx.. =x hahas.. i went to eat dere too.. kakaka.. though its after my prelims paper.. science =\ sighhs.. took quite some time =X den meet them.. *opps!!* =x hahas.. den took some fotos wit hthem too!! *sadd* they hafin holidaes!! omgz!! =( envy.. =/ umms.. nothing much actually lars.. keke.. i did cut my hair =X BUT not much of a difference =\ jus trim abit.. hehehes.. BUT its after 1 yr plus den i go cut.. den i was so nervous while waiting.. LOL!! =x luckily shan was dere ^^ love her lots.. =p

well.. tml no sch!! WOOOOSS!! cos tml chi paper i nvr retake.. heeheex.. ^.- well.. i decide to include my fotos i took.. kekeke.. hope dey dun mind.. budden those fotos is b4 i cut hair.. hehe.. but i ulgy la.. muahahaha.. so no diff rites? but got warning!!

*NOTE: To Prevent Puking, Plastic Bags Are Provided At The Corner. Get It Yourself. No Responsibility Taken!! Thank You.*

well.. end here nahs.. kekes.. nth much to say also.. jus tat my maths p1 die liaos. everyone (5Ns) was saying die liao die liao.. hahahah.. =X okiiz.. take care yaa.. x^^x

p0st 39 ` depressionz

2005-09-02T00:27:00.000+08:00

sighhs.. am i right? i guess its just that i dont wanna doll up myself or sth.. like.. i dont wan to make myself look better.. instead.. i dress casually.. =| for skool.. i go as a NERD! omg!! =x lols.. perhaps i dont like skool at all.. n i dont find any use of going to skool looking chio.. guess i also haf to admit i m toopidz.. cos i dont know how to dress myself up.. =\ my sis is in aust.. i got no others close to me to teach me these kind of stuff etc.. besides.. i guess i m not that kind of ger =\ jus a plain jane afterall.. =\ hmms.. to think.. i m not even fitted to doll myself up.. its like.. i no figure.. like skeleton.. so ulgy.. doll myself up also ulgy.. sighhs..

for my operation.. i havent got to know the results yet.. the specialist haf to get my records from Changi General Hosp.. sighhz.. =| so its on 21st sept nex appt.. hehes.. *my death day!!* =x umms.. todae's teachers dae.. wishing all teachers.. Happiiz Teachers' Day!! woohoos!! kakaka.. x^^x nt bad being a teacher afterall ehs? its my childhood ambition.. judging from my results.. hahaha.. i wait long long.. LOL.. x^^x sometimes i wonder.. y some ppl so good fortune.. live in such a good life.. can afford so many things.. live so happily! T_T i got to know ytd while my MUM is telling PEOPLE abt my history.. history in terms of what happened to me when i was young x(=T-T=)x .. wanna know? =D~

actually i was totured when i was young.. as i m bornt in the year of dragon.. there are many babies.. adding to the fact that my parents were busy with work.. they have no time to take care of me.. so a social welfare worker recommended them this family which they assured is good.. =\ this family., instead happens to ILL-TREAT ME! omg.. they would put in 2 spoons of milk powder for me when they r making milk for me larhs.. den 1 dae rights.. i only get to drink a bottle of milk.. ONCE!! imagine that.. den they will put me in a room with thick door.. to reduce my crying being heard.. den the pampers of mine.. wasnt changed de lo. =( sobbb.. somemore put me inside that room.. how cold hearted can they be.. its like for a month.. then my mum (luckily) went to the house.. without informing my nanny.. (bleahhs) then she happen to REALISE what happened to me.. the nanny wanted my mum for conpensation cos must pay her de rights? den my mum said she nvr sue her very gud lers.. ill treat me until liddat.. >.<" she also said that when she see me .. my face is like BLUE BLACK and my tummy BLOATED until very jia lat.. omg.. so serious sia.. didnt expect that.. =\

haizz.. den in pri skool.. i will haf maids that bring me to skool ma.. den there is this maid.. that "kups" my pocket money.. so i got no money no eat liaos.. no wonder i so thin nvr grow fat since lower pri.. (now i get it.. >.<) sighhhs.. i didnt knew abt these.. heard it from mum.. when i knew abt it i was like.. waaaa.. i baby tat time so ke lian de arhs? T.T blehhhs.. my fate.. what can i do? =( i m such a burden to my parents.. i hate life!! sorrii abt this but.. i guess depression again.. anyway.. can anyone jus tell me how i can look better? instead of the "toot toot" me.. haiz.. what a stupid ger i m.. kaes.. i'll end here.. tml got skool.. blehs! take care all.. bb!

p0st 38 ` omgz

2005-08-25T23:23:00.000+08:00

omg!! todae after skooLz when i reach home.. i went to the nearby shops to buy some things n the coffeeshop to buy food for my cousin(brendan).. den its like o.o u noe.. =\ i saw audrey n samantha.. BLEHS!! i was with my maid then.. =x den after awhile.. after ordering the food.. i saw.. guess who? MR KNG!! not quite sure how to spell his name.. but he is the oe who teaches me history for sec 1 n 2 who always says he and his "minachi".. something like tat.. still rmb he would dress up as certain ppl he wants to teach us abt in history.. well o well.. i missh im =\ he is so much of a fun.. was wondering whether to go over n tok to him a not but then decided not to =x was too tired.. besides my maid was with me.. =D

still wondering what he's doing now.. he still looks like the same old him.. haha.. with the same type of bag.. =P hehehe.. wonder why he nvr teach in our skool le hor.. he is such a gd teacher.. =\ i dont rmb him retiring or quitting ? the skoll didnt announce.. talking abt this.. our "busted" skool.. *ahem ahems* didnt announce a few teachers leave our skool.. eg denise chia, mrs chia, ms prima, mr cheong.. etc etc.. wad kind of idiot principal is this? teacher teach so hard.. den when leave le nvr mention anything? wtf.. this kind of skool.. zzz..

tireddz.. =( tml still got tests lehs! chem n maths.. T.T first 2 periods chem den folloe-ed by maths.. cham liaos.. =\ haizzzz... sure fail.. dont need c.. aizz.. i need help in my studies urgently n seriously but y nobodii wanna help me.. =( haizz.. my buddy so gd in english dont want teach also.. sob sobb.. nvm dun blame him.. hehehe.. someone sure busy with his things de.. =x hahahaha... aizz.. the clock is ticking away.. 31st aug is approaching.. the date to my appointment fears me.. for it announces the answer i have been worrying of.. =( guess u all noe de la hors? no need wo say out.. very da obvious liaos.. =( what if i realli need an operation? i dont even think i'll go for one.. mum says she got no mney for me to do operation.. sighhz..

my family isnt rich.. plus the fact that my sis in aust has been using large amt of money.. i doubt there is any left for me.. so final choice.. "leave me to die" tat kind.. =\ i m not joking.. when i heard the doc say IF i need an operation the specialist will arrange one asap i noe liaos.. my condition cannot wait.. =\ aiyas.. i said in other posts liaos.. anyway.. what can i do? not as if my parents are rich.. i cant wait for the sky to drop money for me either right? unless miracle happens n i suddenly strike toto or 4d first prize.. WOOHOO!! lols.. but nvr possible... =\ i cant possibly wait for ppl gif rights.. =\ haizzz.. dunno lars.. i dont want type liaos.. sian 1/2..

tat BUDDY of mine.. nvr contact liaos.. wonder how he is.. dun even noe he noe i existed a not.. or perhaps he had clean forgotten abt me.. dont even noe who i m.. aizz.. sadded.. =/ kae la.. take care all... i gotta slp.. tml got schz.. hehehe.. =P~ take care.. sayonara!! *muackz*

p0st 37 ` tiredz.

2005-08-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

bleahhs.. lols.. i ton ytd nite at changi airport.. lolx.. must be wondering whie rites? dont tell euu! =D lolx.. hmms.. it was a nice one.. hmms.. except tat ard 5+ am onwards.. it started to turn cold -.-x" we had to go out cos its too cold.. kekeke... den went to mac to study abit too .. =p kekeke.. i wan mac breakfast!! *chants* lolx.. =x sighhh.. sians.. hmm.. den at nite too tired le.. wanted to study de.. instead slpt lols.. =x *hides face* =x umm.. i noe its a long time since i blog but.. hey.. pardon me kaes.. kekekes.. sians!

guess i didnt update u guys abt my health did i? =| hmm.. tat dae went to SGH A&E.. relax.. i not kanna sent dere.. is muaii mum ask me go dere.. den i am refered to National Heart Centre.. SIGHS! haf a appointment on 31st Aug.. =\ *shugs* i realli fear tat day.. why? cos the specialist will tell me if i need an operation.. T.T n i fear!! while i was at da A&E doing my x-ray.. my mum was waiting for me outside.. den when i changed n come out.. i saw her eyes red red.. i asked her but she refused to say.. she just tell me i might need an operation.. dats all.. den recently.. she told me why.. sighhs.. the doc told her.. tat if my hole in the heart is big.. or in another words.. my condition worsened.. i haf to do an operation ASAP! OMG! tats not all.. she told me why the docs did nth.. they push me ard.. bcos dey knew my condition wasnt simple.. get it? i was told tat my hand.. etc etc.. wasnt normal.. can c de.. dats why i haf a weak heart.. THUS my operation is of a high risk.. T.T sighhs.. dats is also why the docs dear.. =\ aizzz...

i was hoping i cud grow fatter.. but now i knew its impossible.. my hopes self-destructed.. T.T i m in a state of depression.. =( sighh.. not sure who told me.. but either mum or aunt.. who told me tat i couldn't grow fat cus of the hole in my heart.. sighs.. does anyone understand the pain n hurtz in me? I seem to be such a burden to my parents.. my mum told me tat if i had to do an operation she has no money for me.. cos my sis used up in her education.. what more do i haf to say? live 1 day c 1 day? haizz.. yeaps.. i might looked more normal.. BUT.. i m not.. my hands are abit diff.. the doc sae dunno what soft.. i dunno.. but i noe i m diff from normal.. different!! T.T sighhh.. n now i m a burden.. sometimes i wonder.. why i start to isolate myself from ppl.. jus like dark n earth.. when i c them so close together.. i often felt so.. sighhs.. i dont know how to describe.. but i feel so left out.. then i wud find myself extra & lonely.. as if i haf no frens ard me tat truely care.. last time dark used to look at my blog at least a few times.. but now no..

I also know tat at home earth n dark would always chat.. eg in msn.. alot.. but not me.. i feel so left out.. i dont know why.. =( now i m in deep confusion.. i haf tat thinking permanently.. i m not normal.. i m ulgy.. why? bcos ppl mock at me for being thin.. ppl would stay a dist frm me cos i m thin etc etc.. u noe how much it hurts? probably not cos u r not in my shoes.. i m born thin but it is not sth i wan.. it is wat i m given by god tat i haf to live with.. i noe dere r many out dere who r pretty and intelligent.. who are wanted by guys etc etc.. but i just find myself so.. sighhs.. why do ppl haf to luff at me.. mock at me.. i m also human.. jus bcos u r handsome or pretty doesnt mean anything.. you will still be ulgy to me bcos its he inner beauty that matters most.. whats the use of u mocking at despising ppl when u r better looking? when u r old u wud still be ulgy.. no mehs? u wont undersand how others feel either.. how much it hurts when ppl scars u..

i can tell u straight now.. with no fears.. that i m deeply scar-ed.. with memories living in me tat would never.. NEVER vanish nor fade.. because i m too deeply hurted.. i once thought i was normal.. but ppl treated me in a different way.. my soul, spirit, feelings is now badly scar-ed.. there is no way to salvage.. cos i think.. i haf long been having depression.. depression because what others had done to me.. life isnt fair.. i noe tat.. but its too much unfair to me.. i cant take it.. but i have to live with it.. ppl wud ask me sometimes.. out of curiousity why i dont smile.. i always have the "danger keep out" face.. why? DONT U ASK! who were those ppl hurt me.. it might not be u.. but get tat straight.. are u sure u didnt despise me silently in ur heart? are u sure u didnt mock silently? i doubt so.. to sae da truth.. i dont trust ppl now.. i just kept getting hurt.. whats the use of ppl telling me i m a nice girl, i haf inner beauty etc etc.. but they despise me because i m thin because i dont look alright.. sighhs.. forget it..

hmms.. hope life is okae with everyone.. seriously i dont think i can pass science.. my sci like shit.. block test my chem was ard 12-14/65.. wad u think.. i dont understand almost everything.. i haf been failing sci since pri 3.. i got no help now.. sighhs.. i just dont feel like blogging anymore.. i'll stop here.. take care all~

p0st 36 ` puzzled..

2005-08-06T16:17:00.000+08:00

sighhs.. it seems like i m so confused n puzzled.. she seems like a fren to me.. yet she seems like a rival~ T-T *sobbz* i jus dont get it.. uncertainty! =| it seems like my best fren is not mine now.. ><" the feeling is like she's so far far away.. =\ y did she wann to do this? i m in a diff class from them.. cant they understand what i m feeling? they r always together.. things shared between them that i didnt noe.. =\ why when i said i wanted to learn knitting she said.. u better not.. the way she say kind of gives me a feeling she dont want me to learn.. cus it kind of "extra" for me to do that.. its just so strong in me.. the feeling the initution.. that she wants things in common with her.. the things she does.. its just so.. sighhhs.. is dark still mine? or did i just lose her to someone? wo hao mao dun.. T.T

ytdd.. after english.. 2+pm den start geog blk test maa.. den 12.30 end sch rites.. i was in class.. i tot they haf geog wrkshop or what.. in the end when i sms jo.. she say they in class revise.. its like so.. does anyone understand what i m feeling? they left me alone in my class! never say a word.. all alone even when i hinted .. it just seems like dark has already gone to her.. light is stranded alone.. in an isolated world.. sank into darkness.. wo de xin hao tong.. wei she me hui zhe yang? sighh.. everytime with them.. i m the extra one.. its so obvious.. they 2 walk together.. last time onlii mi n dark.. =(( now join le earth.. light extra le.. the feeling lo.. is like.. sighhs.. hao nan shou.. den everytime i will quiet either walk in front or behind them.. feel so alone.. T.T it hurt me so muchh.. but i haf to admit its true.. cus even demmy say me.. that time he "sang" a song.. "xm so lonely blah blah blah".. it left thoughts in my mind.. i was with them den.. in their class beside them.. but they said nth.. they kept quiet n looked.. wo jiu hao xiang jue wang le.. sighh..

all those nuo yan we made.. all lost.. light in an isolated world.. xiaobaii ner? with hn le so close.. i dont blame them.. cus they in same poly same course same class.. n its like cannot blame de la.. but i seem to be isolated from the world.. everything seems so out of reach to me.. canno anyone understand the pain in me.. on fridae.. i almost cried.. luckily nvr.. in class when i was alone.. sighhh.. wo zhen de hao xiang yi liao bai liao.. nth in the world makes me wanna live.. tears wanna flow.. pain so deep in me.. sighh! that time i wrote letters to eclair n she knew.. but why..why does it seem like no actions done to me? i m not trying to say anything.. but these are feelings n questions in me.. somehow.. wo you yi zhong gan jue.. perhaps she succeeded.. dark is nw not mine.. "dark & light - no one can break the bond between" this phrase.. that belongs to us once.. now seem to have vanished.. someone had intruded.. i dunno whether to treat her as a fren or a rival.. what should i feel? what should i do? i need help.. advices.. sighhhs.. i hate life.. ><"

p0st 35 ` feelings of mine..

2005-08-01T20:16:00.000+08:00

sighhh.. i m startin to feel insecuredd.. =( sobbz.. somhow she seems so close with her.. i feel so left out.. its like she noes so many things i dont know.. i dont know who to confide in.. tats y i tell my blog.. =D.. perhaps they'll think i changed.. but uts jus tat i m keepin m feelings in me.. dont know y.. =( i feel so alone.. y? after 'o' lvls.. will i b all alone? will i haf new frens? or will i b "discriminated"? sighhz.. nowadaes.. they also alwaes together.. nvr come find mii or wadd.. aiyaa.. m i jealous or wadd? =.=" i think nt jealous.. yeapps.. insecured is more perfect for my feelings.. =| umms.. todae so tiredd.. =\ my ss n english papers sure mati de.. blehhhs..

abit pissed off todae.. wad dey treat me as? transparent? take awae both my tables.. wtf.. zzz.. hw to b involved when i m treated like tat.. i m like so not welcomed in the class.. can c de.. gt mi no mi doesnt matter.. grrs.. heckk care.. a few more mths n its over.. nw study hard.. hehehe!! =p hmms.. waitin fer tis week to b over!! den all da tests finishh.. den wunn feel so stress (not includin da fact hafin 'o' lvl soon..) .. blehhs.. forget wadd i wan to write.. so gong todae.. like a sudden lost of feelings.. stunned? =\ hmms.. perhaps i shld end..

SOME PPL SPREAD MY BLOG.. STILL WAN ACT SO FWENLY TO MII.. I SHLDNT EVEN HAF TREATED U A FWEN TAT TIME.. DONT LET MI NOE U R E ONE! U'LL B DEAD!

p0st 34 ` tots.

2005-07-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

aizz.. wadd do u wann me to sae? ><" sorry for nt updating my blog.. =/ err.. ><" todae nvr go schH! alamakkx.. got block test (sci)! so i went to see doc .. kekes.. wait so long =.=" but its okae.. cus its a female doc!! woohoos! =x hahaha.. ytd actuallii i went with eclair n jo to toa payoh central de mac.. da one near da library.. umms.. den eating n chatting halfway.. suddenly my vison was like so bright.. dunno hw to describe.. sighh.. den its like my head is kind of giddy lars.. n spinning a bit.. =| umms.. den it became worse.. ><" slowly.. it started to hurt.. its like forehead pain loes.. dunno whie like tat.. ><" den it became very pain!! T-T sobbs.. i keep rubbin my forehead lol.. ><" hopin it would b better but of cus of no use laa.. den after da whole thingy at toa payohh.. actuallii eclair wan go NTUC de.. =(( but bcus of me she nvr go le.. sorry sorry ><><" trouble dem.. alamakks.. den yanni fetch me home from da bus stop..

so heng norhs me.. in the bus i nth.. jus felt like vomitting.. den on the way home i started to wan vomit liao.. reach home actualli wan vomit de.. but got nothing come out =.=" sorry if it sounds er xin.. =x den slpt.. actualli had lots of hw de!! but bo bian.. really dun feel well so went to slpp.. took some med.. hehes.. oppsies.. had some other things to sae de.. but gt dunno ladybird or wad!! can fly de.. adios.. ciaos!!

p0st 33 ` wad happen?

2005-07-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

hmms.. by right.. hp n idiot haf to tok todae.. budden it seems like "idiot" nvr come schh.. hahaha.. "dunno" y worr.. so cowarddii de.. she is the one who AGREES n says 1.30 tok budden coward out.. sick nvr come nvm.. budden through someone we got to know that she say she dun feel like coming.. HAHAHHA!! more like too scared la.. She was the one who agreed therefore she have to face it.. no mehhs.. ><" aizz.. i hate this friendshipp thingyy.. its changing mii into someone i slowly dun recgonise anymore.. =( sighhs.. y do they haf to do these extra thingy man! i jus dun get it.. wakakakak.. =p

umms.. todae ok la.. went heartland wif Jo againnx.. LOL.. Sunday we went.. den chat n chat etc.. den ytd went there eat KFC.. den today eat hawker centre food.. snow ice.. bought da furry pencil box =P heehees.. furry de!! =X hahahas.. i like =P hmms.. n not forgetting some staionaries.. feel like claiming money from daddii.. =X wahahaha.. cuz i go broke liaos =x lol.. hmm.. den now i m trying to study at night.. normally to say the truth i dont de lo.. i dont reallii noe how to describe what i felt lars.. its like i will haf the fear deep in me when it comes to "study".. i just feel alot of pressure.. hidden ones i dont show it out.. understandd? =| i dont know y dis is happening to me!! T_T sighhh.. but luckily my appetite came back.. =x dunno y these few days keep hungry.. kakakak..

hmms.. actually nothin muchh.. haf to slp early too.. now i trying to slp by 12 lol.. =x maybe today nia.. but trying to slp earlier lors.. bit by bit.. =D scared body cannot ta han.. i keep slping late if that is.. =D umm.. wondering + thinking abt him.. =( sighhz.. kae la kae la.. i end here.. make it short n sweet.. =p to time to type a long one.. lol.. take care all!!

p0st 32 ` thoughts~

2005-07-16T12:23:00.000+08:00

hmmx.. 1 post b4 i go out..hehehe.. to celebrate in advance shanlyn's bdae! woohoos!! *wonders how to prank her* lOl! =x hmmx.. my coughh still never recover!! =( still cough cough.. then is ike those cough will cry de.. T_T aizz.. things happened between "our" grp againn.. perhaps i shld say our past grp.. =| i dont know what nick to gif her yet.. hmmm.. temp use idiot baa.. pardon my rudeness... but no need to be so kind to her.. she DONT DESERVE IT.. get it? i m that kind of person who treats ppl worser than they thought i would be (if i want to =p) if they do sth badd to me.. that idiot.. wtf.. put words into me, jo n eclair mouth.. HAHAHAHA! act like 1 inncocent party.. o please.. ur tricks aint gonna fool us.. we know abt u.. u LOVE twisting the facts.. then ur excellent skills would be to use it on us.. when we r actually the innocent 1.. thenn.. someone.. so cowardd.. wan say us y use sms sia... tok face to face dare NOT sia.. hahahaha... wtf.. guilty say la! c us face to face or one glance so damn obvious c through it.. dare not look at us straight in the eyes.. i spotted ur guilty face too.. so? y can live life to the fullest muz do these kind of stupid things..

u worser than a BITCH let me tell u.. no even shit.. cus at least shit can use as fertilizer.. *grrs* i dont get it lo.. wth she trying to do sia.. dare not say us.. even need uma's help.. wtf.. she's ur mouth to speak is it? or poor thing.. but i dont like u treating ppl that way FARKER! fool ppl by ur appearance.. u r no longer the person i used to know.. i dont wanna tok, i dont wanna go close to u.. thats what i feel.. first time in my life.. i hate to go close someone i treat as a best friendd.. n now.. i PROUDLY proclaim.. that u r no longer my friendd.. i said it long ago but i still treat u as a frenn.. u r someone i dont think if others know abt u.. they wan u as a fwen.. u r worser than stonefishh.. aizz.. please la.. dont act inncocent.. like we r the baddies.. or evil ones.. who was the one who didnt cared abt us.. who was the on who went out without informing us.. let alone us.. ME.. tell me la.. straight in my face.. if u r gonna say i too.. u can forget abt it.. cus u did that to me FIRST.. n i c no point to treat someone like a friend when she treats me like i dont exist.. i m waiting for ur "move".. u did that to eclair n jo.. so that leaves me..

hmm.. i know u r trying to get me out.. to talk or sth.. but i m just so not free everytime.. perhaps heaven's helping me.. or shld i say senseii.. =D kekes.. i dont believe a single bit that u forget to return me the bag for 2 weeks.. u tink i 3 yr old kid believe u? i might be gong n toot n blur to the extreme.. but i m not that foolishh.. i might be easily fooled or tricked.. that i admit.. but not now.. not now when i see your true colours.. i sense sth "awaiting" for me.. n da mastermind is of cus the idiot.. but i will wait.. i havent get a chance to say u.. i HATE u to the core.. someone who betrays a friend.. or shld i say not a friend.. is 2.. mabbe more we havent know yet.. i m not stupidd.. i know u aint using ur true heart to treat ur "bez fwens" u havin now.. u like jus like someone else.. making use of ppl.. i aint stupid.. i m kinda in a rushh gtg soon..

hmms.. everyone else dont worry abt me.. i m perfectly fine.. perhaps.. =) just remember.. to open ur eyes big big @.@ n see who r those idiots n bitches n bastardds.. whatever they r.. who r not true friends.. tatas all then!

p0st 31 ` elated!

2005-07-07T23:43:00.000+08:00

hmms.. todae s3p ended earlier cus mr xiao haf some stuff to do =D buddn haf to wait for eclair n mojojojo =X lol.. yeappz.. a lil tired lars.. =\ wentt wif Jo to serangoon central.. loL.. bought soya beancurd for grandma n myself! =D n of cus bubble tea.. =P lol.. hmms.. buddy sent mii sth cute! wahahahaha.. to cheer me up leiis! dats wat tracy saes..loL.. so gan dong.. =D nvr expect him to do dat.. lol.. kaes.. den its like so cute! =p lol.. hmmz.. nth much to blog todae.. except tat i in class so DAMN bored! todae most of da time alone also.. ><" loneliness whispers fer mii~ woos!

umms.. i felt so toopid, retarded n clumsy.. i was doing the maple quest.. my character haf to jump de.. past obstacles etc de la.. den hard ><" i kind of noe the tactic liaos.. but i just keep fallin off! grrs.. den so frustrated.. =( tat quest i try verii long liaos! =(( retarded rite mii? hmm.. startign to worry abt myself.. i m getting kinda of more "lao ren chi dai".. n i tink its QUITE serious.. blehhhhs.. a few secs ago de thing i also forget.. wth is wrong with me? -.-x" scat suggests i go doc ask ask.. besides i m still hafin giddiness... lol.. nvr eat med cus it'll cause drowsiness.. =| got go sch how to eat dat med.. =( aizzz..

hmms.. todae presentation for english lesson.. lol.. eclair speaked like a rapper.. lol.. i find it ok la.. perhaps used to eat.. =p hahaas.. umms.. YCF coming soon! woohooos! after the ycf for soka hq 3.. i m free!!! most sat n sun free liaos! yipee yipee ya ya! =x lol.. provided m aunt dun ask me go da study meetins etc etc de la.. hmms.. yeappz.. i jus rmb.. tat buddii.. UMPF! say wan change acc chat wif mi.. in the end? he receive fone call go out liaos.. heck care mii.. i stll tot y he take so long.. blehhs! ><" hmms.. hao la.. late liaos.. haf to slp earlii.. =D its jus 6 min awae from 12 midnite.. =O cinderella night? lol.. in terms i slp at 12.. lol.. kae kae lame.. -.-x hopefully tml we no s3p.. otherwise fridae also haf.. den until 4.30pm hors.. i wanna die sia!! T_T sighhhs.. 4 more mths.. REN! *breathe in breathe out...* lOl! =x jia you liaos me.. *fills oil* =X sighh... kae kae.. stop crappin.. =p but must work hard lo.. =(

hmms.. last thing b4 i go.. i tink my appetite's weird.. i tink its due to stress.. sometimes or perhaps often.. i feel hungry de lo.. but dun feel like eating.. den can feel body tiredd de.. its sth like 'stressed out' u noe.. =| hmms.. budden by appearance or by look.. i doubt u can c loes.. =\ kaes.. i still dont get it.. =/ oh ya! one last thing.. impt to mii.. lol.. shan mite b coming back bartley tmL! woohoos!! shan shan shan! xiaobaii xiaobaii xiaobaii! ole ole ole! LOL! i go sots liao.. =/ hmm.. long time nvr c her.. wanna see how she look like after dying her hair =x kaes.. take care all! 안녕! <- korean!

p0st 30 ` truth?

2005-07-04T22:03:00.000+08:00

hmmz.. todae woke up at ard 11.. den went with brendan to kovan.. ><" blehhs.. lols.. den went yoshinoya to eat.. =x den we went in by da back door loes.. saw jamie n her mum lols.. she waved at mi.. as in harlow la.. heehees.. =p den i wave back.. kakaka.. perhaps u guys dunno how much this means to mii.. =) okkaes.. den i eat so slow!! >.<" sobbb.. after tat we went to.. umms.. comic connection!! =D nvr buy aniithin.. kakaka.. jus check out stuff nias.. after tat i took neoprint of my ulgy self.. LOL.. =p can also say my nerdy self la hor.. =x hmms.. i tried adding in liaos.. not sure if it works.. kekeke.. =p yeappz..

after tat went to buy sushii for eunice n bubble tea.. lol.. treat brendan ^^ den bought dragon beard candii! kekekes.. =x den brendan sae he dun understand y gers like to spend.. =( sobbb.. *he's trying to sae mi* T.T sadded.. aizz.. nth much la.. after tat i played maple.. ><" budden it spoiled my day.. blehhhs.. den watched ch 8 show.. =| the 8pm de abit nias.. cus ending liaos.. n 9pm show.. the cancer one! =| dunno y.. it gave mi the feeling.. den i cannot dun haf him.. y? sighhhs.. somehow i feel so pessimistic.. not sure if i can describe it right.. =/ its like i dun haf almost everything.. no family support.. etc etc.. u noe? sighhh.. weii she mo? y watching the show made mii feel like dat.. during the show.. i kept thinking.. if he is slpin a nots.. sighh.. he didnt repli my sms.. >.<" actuallii a tiny lil thing he do affects mii.. ><" hw i wishh i dun like aniione.. i dun haf to worry, dun haf to tink.. though i wudnt b able to write out poems with feelings.. but i cud concentrate in my studies etc etc.. ><" somehow i suddenly feel so tired.. tired of living in this world.. a feeling that if my life end now.. i wud not fearr.. though i mite b a lil hesitant of my future after this.. sighhh.. but.. life is so tiring.. =((

sighhh.. perhaps thats hw i feel when i m doing nth.. but when i m doing activites etc.. related to soka.. its not a mindset.. its not i kanna brain-wash or wadd.. i didnt read da books auntie jen n auntie denise wanted mii to read to sae the truth.. but while going to the activity.. i feel so cheerful.. cus i m doing sth meaningful.. =) during the activity.. i wudnt b thinking.. omg.. this is so stupid.. or this is wasting my time.. i feel so happy.. i dont mind at all.. really.. its nw dat i realise.. wad auntie jen say is rite.. actualli dat time when she say in the car i abit doubting it.. but nw i noe y she say dat liaos.. =| she said tat last time she was only busy with asking her child do homewrk n assignments etc.. but nw.. after she join soka.. going to the activities.. she feel tat life is more "cong shi".. kekekes.. she wun feel tat.. "aiyas... life always so sian de".. u noe tat kind of feeling? =) kekes..

perhaps u all think i too "into" soka liaos.. i m telling u straight.. i m strictly not brainwashed by them or what.. just that it is what i feel.. i noe u all wun believe.. cus my blog entries sound like i kanna brainwash or sth.. =\ but zhen de.. i nvr bluff.. its my feeling.. wadd i typed in my blog entries.. is all from my heart.. =) yeaas.. was touched by clark.. lol.. tot he nvr online liaos.. nvr read my blog.. nvr come.. but he come my blog!! omg.. =x i noe he lazy read de la.. LOL.. =x my entries long lol.. not very long as compared to perhaps others.. but u noe.. mabbe can write compo liaos? lol.. =x with alot of singlish n emotions etc though =X lol.. hmm.. starting to think he slp liao =x lol.. yeapps.. anyway.. it came across my mind.. hows buddii n "her".. yeaas.. ><" hope they are fine? getting on well.. i didnt ask him.. cus i scared he angry or pissed off.. so i kept it in my heart..

he haf no lack of buddies too.. he would b confiding in others.. no need mii de.. sighh.. i m not pin pointing him.. or wad.. not saying him.. but if u guys noe the real mi.. i haf low confidence.. no self esteem.. despressed.. sighhhx.. juz bcus of my past.. it haunts mii.. =( i have not climb out of it yet.. i m still the weak glowing light in da mist of darkness.. lost in direction n faith.. in my mind.. i do always think that ppl who r rich.. who haf to ties with mi.. even those who i know but haf not seen b4.. or others.. not necessarily rich.. but those who r in some sense with confidence in themselves.. nvr hurt b4 or wadd.. dunno hw to describe.. when they c mii.. i know deep in my heart.. dey wun tok to mi.. they wud avoid mi.. cus i m thin.. thin until cannot thin.. tall so? i too thin.. bcus this yr 'o' lvl.. i dunno y i gettin thinner.. stress?? i tink i hafing it.. kinda of similar symptoms.. =x but.. i not realli sure loes.. aizzz..

suan le baa.. i end here.. typed so muchh i havent pack bag yets! omg! bbaii!

p0st 29 ` i hate life!

2005-07-03T13:35:00.000+08:00

sighhs.. todae waked up earli in da morning.. T.T abt 7+ den went for logistic aka hq 3 ycf rehersal.. sianns.. i was doing the welcoming de.. yucks.. actualli i hate it.. i stand dere like 1 statue.. didnt want to greet dem.. ><" sighhs.. den i did the curtain loes.. wa laos! da ppl damn rude leiis.. den push the curtain till so rough n i m dere.. wth.. den like the others wan clarify dey frm which HQ cus onli HQ 3 de can come in.. den some barge in.. kaos.. ><" the Student Division de bollywood dance nice!! woos.. den Primary Division(lower) de.. very cute.. *itsy bity!!* =x lol.. den Future Division de.. hmms.. hip hop loes.. =| okae baaa.. =P but the one amy in charged of is nice.. nt bad.. hen cool! dey change the dance steps.. ><" lol..

den actualli i was supposed to take a break.. but i didnt want to.. =( cus someone sms mii sae tml cannot! den i decided to "torture" myself.. i keep doing duty nvr take break.. =( in my mind was why everytime suddenly bu ke yi de.. hao sadd.. i dont know what to react liaos.. sighhhs.. but he sae his parents specially took a day off for him.. aizz.. oh well.. gud maahs.. its a blessing he haf dat cus i dun even dare to dream abt it.. my parents? i dun haf any family dae at all.. until i so old not even once.. family outing got.. a few times only.. do wad? we all kanna drag out by her go chinatown buy things.. den carry for her.. liddat nias.. dats family outing.. ><" family day none.. my mum didnt even bring mi to zoo b4.. i followed my aunties nia.. sighhs.. dont know if u all understand hw i feel.. =( aizz.. feel so tired.. mite go slp ltr.. he slpin i tink.. ><" was wondering.. he nvr mention abt mi at all.. sighhs.. somehow i feel so insecured.. =| aizz.. wadd shld i do? ><" haf to pause liaos! lols.. sis msn mi..=\

hurhurr.. =p wonder ltr cousins come wadd to do.. =/ i guess i go down also take drinks nia.. unless todae steamboat i not eating.. my mood is down until cannot down liaos.. >.<" but i dun tink todae steamboat.. =| blehhhs.. i go rest liaos!! sighhs.. take care wors all.. ^^ heard dere is bird flu =x killed ppl also.. lol.. bubbaii!

**::__dunn juddge onee by appearance cus deyy mite not bb wadd u tinkk. disguisee of feelings!__:**

p0st 28 ` ton!! ><

2005-07-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

hmms.. ytd went to parents house in da evening.. ard dere baahs.. den mum at home.. >< slp ="X"><" den she bought mi a slipper! woos! she buy de lehs.. =D ta hao teng wo orhs! =D she ytd verii gd to me.. heehees.. =x my previous one i bought.. =(( dolly(grandma house doggi) bite!! *cries* my bao bei lehs! =( den my da gu gu wear.. no wonder.. wth.. she wear liaos nvr put bac in place.. den dolly went to bite.. my slipper jiu liddat.. ruined.. gone case.. T.T my bao bei slipper.. T.T aizz.. xin tong man.. =l no more dat design liao lo!! T.T aizz.. jus hope my current one wun end up in sth similar.. grrs.. =x kaes.. den went bac home after awhile.. hurhur.. mum bought a slow cooker.. x^^x den i 11+ left loes.. accompanied by mum n marco9 tamp house dog).. =p took mrt.. =D but dey nvr send mi all e wae.. i told mum to go back.. hurhurr!

i boarded the last train from pasir ris to boon lay de.. just in time.. awhile ltr n i wud miss.. =D so heng.. =x budden cia call mi sae she miss dat train =l den no bus transport also.. lol.. in the end she took cab perhaps.. to airport lols.. cus "we"(most of e 5N chi students) wanted to send "ms low" off.. she going england wif husband.. lol.. her husband not bad lo.. very sweet!! >< *envys* den he joke ard also.. hen sweet!! =x alicia was like always "awwww.. so sweet".. lol.. den farni loes.. he say y dey going off he nvr receive calls but ms low so busy.. keep receiving.. lOl.. realli lehs.. =x alot of us.. okae la.. lol.. den while we ton.. the first part of the time.. until 3+ am.. at the viewing hall dere.. i was kind like not with the whole grp.. jus felt so out.. den eclair told me erick asked abt mi.. y i was alone.. so surprised he wud asked abt me.. perhaps he matured le.. =) den durin tat time dey were gambling.. playing ard with the luggage trolley.. lol.. but i was alone.. cus i went away.. den its kinda of like "do not annoy" dat kind of mood.. i kept quiet.. purposely dun wan ans dem.. i dunno y.. i jus felt so..

perhaps it was bcus of wad Jo told me.. abt "ice cream" <- a guy.. i cant get tat off my mind.. its like.. haix.. i always hoped tat dey wudnt "pai ci" mii.. but its like.. so impossible to mi.. =( sighhs.. anyway.. tat *ahems*.. -.-x promise wan pei mi lol.. to keep awake.. =x he keep slpin.. sms him nvr reply.. but in the end also wake la.. he keep slpin =X piggii.. kakaka.. aniiwaes.. he cheered mi up norhs.. keke.. =p den cus no more skytrain.. so haf to walk from Terminal 1 to 2.. tink so.. den was pushing Jo.. lol.. she sat on the luggage trolly.. den a few other guys also playing with it.. fun!! =x wowws.. den dunno who banged ours.. den heng i grab tite.. otherwise Jo ltr *gonks*.. =x hahahas.. fun baa.. =) yeapps.. nth much actualli.. but i tot i will slp.. =x

cut short the whole story.. wahahahah.. den i actualli wanted to take mrt to paya lebar change bus de.. but pei YC.. so i took bus.. den on the bus.. i keep slping.. =x bth liaos.. slpii.. =X den at the paya lebar bs.. =X i woke.. noe y? cus i look out of the window i saw 1 big grp of bball guys.. lol.. den dey boarding da bus.. den 1 of dem look at mii.. jus casual look.. den i ps.. cus i slp maa.. so i wake.. =X lols.. umms.. yeaps.. nth much.. =D wows.. feeling slpii nw also.. jus nw went logistic at soka tamp.. =D managed to cope the bag section.. so many participant todae!! 52! =x heehees.. kae la.. enuff of my nonsense n crappinn.. end here first.. bbaii!

p0st 27 ` wats life?

2005-06-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

sighhs.. todae.. i discovered.. tat even ppl who r close to mi.. thye bad mouth me to my mum.. wads the meaning of this? arent they supposed to be supporting me behind my back.. even if dey dun.. at least jus kept their damn mouth shut! ><" sighhx.. ppl can b so decieving sometimes.. u wun even noe wad dey r up to.. blood ties r close thens frens? HAHA! i doubt so.. esp when it comes to mine.. sighhhs.. wads life when even those who were supposed to be closest to eu "betrayed" u.. aizz.. =( well o well.. aizzz.. i jus dun feel like living in this world aniimore.. it juz sucks living in this family.. =( my mum says i m supposed to be having gudd luck this yr.. i told her straight.. so many things happened n u tell mi gd luck? i tink its bull shit.. gd luck? hahahhahahahaa.. funni.. zzz

aizz.. my mood is jus simply bad.. after my mum called.. she ruined my mood.. well.. hafing my "dinner" now.. jus wanton soup.. =D my maid cooked this! believe it or not.. =D although she doesnt know how to make the dumplings.. she still made it out.. she did it herself man! wows! n its nt bad.. really.. sedap! =D when she goes back home she'll know hw to cook many dishes.. lols.. =x hmms.. tired tired tired.. blehhs.. toopid dolly went to lick my chin todae lols.. =p the dolly is my doggii in grandma house.. not my principal dolly ong.. n dun say i m rude calling my dog dolly cause its my auntie who called the dog dolly.. so i didnt haf a CHOICE! -.-x"

sighhs.. demmy started his nonsence again.. childish idiot.. do stupid actions.. harloe! he how old liaos.. think he still young? he mabbe ard 20 liao lehs.. wth..behave like pri sch kid.. gt to now frm Jo too.. tat "SOME" ppl in "SOME" class.. is badmouthing me.. saying abt me.. y y y! cant they jus stop it? jus felt tat they very wad.. y they like to sae abt me.. if its abt my past.. pls la.. its over liaos.. i dun mind u guys saying mi.. but rmb.. its ur KARMA tat u r affecting not me.. not everyone is born to b perfect.. so dun ask for the perfect.. not everyone is born to have everything.. some may have parts of dem tat r imperfect.. jus like some r paralysed etc etc.. every human being have feelings.. n if u r one too, dont hurt the others.. have u ever tot how it feels like to be hurt like tat.. haf u ever placed urself in their shoes.. tot abt what u might haf felt? perhaps u might feel tat it nth.. but everyone's different.. so pls.. stop those nonsence.. for gudness sake.. i tot u guys matured.. but it came to a conclusion in me.. matured? perhaps u guys need another 10 yrs.. maybe MORE.. or maybe u will forever stay like tat..

sighhhs.. i m getting tired.. so i'll end here.. =| take care all.. =)

p0st 26 ` my fault~

2005-06-26T21:01:00.000+08:00

sighhs.. i m so confusedd.. todae after i reached home from senja after logistic.. foundd out tat muaii cousins couldnt use the net cus i changed the network key n i didnt tell dem.. n i was out.. after i reached home.. i went straight to my room.. =| den my cousins immediately went back home.. wth.. why mus purposely i reach home dey go back.. bu shuang i change the network key u lemme noe.. i dun like tat kind of attitude.. bullshit.. got money rich so? u think u wad.. god? wan wad also can haf ur wae.. pls la.. basic thing everyone noes is RESPECT! nvr learn in sch? hohoho.. i pity u.. =|

hmms.. den after awhile.. i heard my auntie (da gu gu) saying my cousins.. brendan was trying to defend for me.. cus its like at first when i haf wireless connection n i wasnt ard at home, dey came into my room.. cus i nvr lock.. did wadever shit dey wan.. look at my network key etc tec.. connected cable from my modem to downstairs the table dere.. like dat nvr lemme noe jus enter my room as dey wish nvm.. my 3rd uncle still put masking tape on da cable.. WTH! dun gif a damn abt me arhs.. i didnt noe i transparent lehs.. i got magic hors? fucker.. den my auntie say me lars.. after they went home.. den i realised i should change my network key.. i was selfish.. ><" i shouldnt had.. even though they came into my room without entering.. i should haf talked to dem nicely.. (though it wun work).. clarence so hot tempered.. he last time wasnt so bad.. but i realised my mistake.. so now my auntie will tok to their mum abt this prob.. n hopely things will be back to normal.. ><" but that doesnt mean i change my attitude towards dem.. apart from charmaine.. the rest i not gonna treat dem nicely..

She was the one who treated my with respect, nicely.. she talks to me politely.. she wan come in my room she knock da door politely ask.. she was the best! hmms.. den i cried.. when my auntie was toking to me.. n i still dont understand y.. its like why must get "scolded" or rather be talked to.. yeapps.. not entiredly our fault.. but harlo.. if they treat mii with respect in the first place.. would the whole thing turn out so ulgy? i dare u.. NO! cus i would haf gladly let them use my connection.. i m like tat.. if u dun like it.. den too bad.. u dun gif a damn abt me.. treat me with no respect.. den y mus i gif a damn abt u.. no mehs.. chinese got one saing also haf a similar meaning saying.. how u treat ppl, ppl will treat u back the same wae.. =D

aniiwaes.. todae log duty damn happii.. got apple.. fuji apple! woohoos.. dunno is it sensei ikeda gif de.. =D cus soka youth division won da youth (grp) award.. ytd the award given to us by mr lee xian long.. =D woohoos.. congrats.. =P eclair made a wallpaper for me! =D i made one back too.. sadded.. but she say shouldnt use black.. =(( but i like black! yeaa.. sighhs.. i didnt even haf da appetite to eat my dinner.. adding to da fact tat i m sick.. -.-x" but i dun care.. if i wan ltr.. after some tots i mite consider eating something.. ><"

yeaps.. i cheered up ler.. kekekes.. sighs.. but hmms.. was so touched.. brendan cry too hard until his throat dere or wad abit hard to breathe or wad.. i not quite sure.. =| eunice n penny didnt sae anything.. they jus sat aside.. but after the whole thing they came to my room asked if i was ok.. was touched too.. kekes.. great cousins i haf.. =) not like the other 2.. wth.. charlene.. wan to play with cousins must INVITE one.. nobodii's gonna say anything or dislike u if u dont haf tat "princess" attitude.. zzz.. anywae.. its not up to me to comment.. just my feelings.. tats wad auntie jen sae.. =D we cannot change ppl's character.. we wud jus haf to accept it.. or avoid dem.. jus like a leopard cant change its spots.. =) yeapppP! kaes.. i end here liaos.. head abit giddy.. -.-x" sighhs.. take care all..

jus sth last for u guys n gals.. no matter wad happen.. stay cheerful.. things arent gonna turn out alright if u feel sad, angry or wad.. instead staying happii n cheerful mite help change things.. be positive! woohoos!

p0st 25 ` multi mood?

2005-06-24T23:57:00.000+08:00

lols.. todae.. hmms.. went back tamp.. this time special.. lemme tell u y.. wakakaka.. cus its the longest time i stayed in tamp when i go back visit after i moved to grandma house.. =X lols.. marco!! woohoos.. =x my maltese doggie! =x heehees.. took some pics of him.. kakakas.. hmms.. i go dere nth much to do.. went to chinese med shop buy cough med for sis.. not jus a normal cough.. been coughin real bad i tink.. not sure how long.. but she even wnt on ambulance *omg* n the doc sae might be asthma.. =| blehhs.. but our family nobodii haf de wor.. =| she also feel breathless liaos.. like mi le.. cham.. ><" hope she's ok.. she missed some of her exams liao! omg.. den we brought the doggies along.. heehee.. but poor happy (my bishon frise).. my mum like dunno how to bring her like tat.. or shld i say thats her style.. she like dragging happy when she walk.. ><" den poor happy walk slow slow de.. old liaos =x

hmms.. it was fun la.. on overall.. keke.. mum was good.. =D avoided bickering.. but i seriously need to get a new pair of slippers.. idiot cats.. i haf no grudges against them but they bite my slippers! WTH! i was supposed to be washed but da mad jus left it outside.. plus the construction.. my beloved slippers just gone ruined like tat.. *sobs* yeahhh.. sighs.. ><" umms.. den dunno y.. i come back bad mood.. den its such a miracle tat i didnt eat anything for breakfast n lunch n i didnt felt hungry! omg.. =x den i wanted to eat med.. forget to eat ytd =X den i cooked wanton noodles.. plain la.. with nth.. den wth.. my uncle say i eat instant noodles.. i say no.. den walking the stairs he purposely let mi walk first cus i behind him de.. den he say.. dere.. maggie mee wadd.. den i was like wth.. dunno how to see tats not arhs.. nvr eat b4 isit.. my instant thoughts.. but i had my mouth shud.. perhaps i m already in a bad mood.. ><"

yeapps! budden suddenly i got cheerful again.. lol.. sth seriously wrong wif my wires in da brain.. =x lols.. but so fast.. sighs.. tml saturdae lers.. ><" sch's gonna reopen soon.. aniiwae i guess it doesnt matter to me.. the past 2 weeks i've been hafing lessons.. it doesnt matter.. sighs.. but *nitemare* tat mrs dolly ong.. blehs.. say she'll haf our lessons extended.. as in s3p or wad lo.. until 6.. wth.. i noe its for our own gud. but haf to think wan loes.. study until 6.. very tired lehs.. like dat u learn anything got use mehs? cant go in the brain one wadd.. zzz.. hate this yr.. bleh! hmms.. heard hui nee n shan dyed their hair.. omg! >< *envy* but i tink if shan add in abit of highlight.. she mite look punkish! woohoos! shan shan, go go go! LOL! i m crazy.. =x havent seen hui nee's.. =P lols..

anyway.. toking abt them.. i wonder how long nvr see liaos.. i tink months.. =( ppL TP students.. BUSY liaos.. to time for BARTLEY students.. *ahems* lols.. =x umm.. feel likeeating.. wahahahahha.. omg.. its 12.23am liaos.. look how long i've blogged.. anywae i guess no one bothers to read it all.. its so long.. T.T sighs.. i'll end it here.. ltr ppl complain mine so long againnx.. take care yarhs..

p0st 24 ` stress?

2005-06-21T23:06:00.000+08:00

><" planned to go to sch todae de.. in the end i wasnt feeling well AGAIN.. wth.. everytime like tat.. body weak.. zzz.. kaes.. den headache n giddiness.. -.-" i wake liaos go eat 2 instant onion prata.. den went back to slp.. =x den wake liaos.. hmms.. i forget le =x lols.. but head still giddy loes.. -.- den in the end went to see doc.. still wasnt feeling well.. -.- den the doc sae.. -.-"" i mite be stress den liddat.. =| stress? i noe i dont look stress LoLs.. but sighs.. i've been thinking recently.. if i m stressed up.. n i guess yes.. dun wan sae much la.. u guys mite think.. i stress? u mus b kidding.. i m always facing the com.. oh well.. nt reallii too but yeaps.. stress.. like i've always said.. there r things on my mind.. =((

kaes.. den i noe its late? =/ i went for logistic todae.. when it was abt to end.. i was feeling giddy.. x.x blehhs.. den onli haf mi, brendan n another person for logistic.. the rest went for meeting.. ><" hmms.. tmL haf to go to sch lers! hope i m feeling better.. x.x brendan saes his father n eunice snoring.. lols.. =X kakaka.. i tired liaos! T.T slping soon le.. tml haf chem lesson.. blehs.. was glad "he" wud b fine.. da doc sae let his finger heal on its own.. heehee.. kaes.. this "he" lets call him s1.. =x LoL! weird i noe -.- blehs.. aniiwaes i realise grandma house beri "dangerous".. todae uncle n auntie painting da house.. woohoos.. gifing it a "new" look.. heehees.. budden they paint until i tink got insects or wad bite them.. red red dots on their skin.. den uncle haf one lump de also.. x.x omg.. den like sick sick my uncle.. hope he's alright..

jus come back from phil kanna this.. =x mus b tat dae he played with the "nam-myo-ho-rin-gae-kio".. something like tat.. kekes.. seriously i started to believe in it.. dunno how to tell u all la.. its like u haf to experience den u noe de lo.. kekekes.. kaes.. end here liaos.. gtg.. buaiiz!

p0st 22 ` sobbness

2005-06-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

omg.. ><" todae's fathers' dae.. sighs.. i called home but dere wasnt aniione at home so i didnt get to talk to my dad nor wish him.. =| den todae went senja fer logistic.. *blehhs* helped out.. keke.. i under drinking point =x wakakaka.. but dunno y.. i whole dae felt so tired.. its not todae onlii.. its like recently loes.. from dat time i said i feel as if i would haf a break down till now.. wonder how long i can ta han.. =| hmms.. den still haf lessons tml till 1.30! omg! *faintts* hmm.. den todae quite tired la.. not much of appetite also.. didnt eat much.. its like practically so damn little.. =[ hmms.. after logistic mii, eunice, brendan n auntie jen went to airport.. kakaka.. fetch brendan father.. ^^ kekes.. den so damn slow de.. the conveyor belt rites.. idiot de lo.. luggage so damn long havent come out.. -.-"" the ppL all waiting liao lers.. den wait for the ppL come ot also long.. zzz.. sian 1/2..

hmms.. not much todae la.. quite tired nia.. =| hmms.. msn with sis todae.. kekeke.. she asked me abt my nick.. y like so depressed.. sad sad like dat.. =/ sian sian.. hmms.. tired tired.. haizz.. todae's entry wun b long i guess.. =| ><" umms.. there are alot of things in my mind i couldnt jus ignore about.. its been in my mind.. sighs.. mabbe not alot? not quite sure.. ><" but aniiwae.. i m glad knowing SOKA.. lols.. its great! the ppl dere r friendly.. i assure u.. =D den they very gudd de.. very helpful.. keke.. dunno how to tell u guys but u experience liaos u will know de.. =) i've NEVER regret.. till now.. abt joining SOKA's logistic.. keke.. knowing more about it.. kekekes.. yeaa.. u all might not like wadd they chant.. but its because u all dont know abt it.. =) dey chant for wisdom in studies etc etc.. but definately not winning TOTO or 4D.. why? because if thats what u want.. then no use chanting.. its like u r not sincere.. keke.. i use the word chant doesnt mean its like very bad thingy u noe.. keke.. =) u all might b wondering if it works a not.. i tell u.. as long as its sincerity.. n u believe in it.. it will come true.. many of them have experience..

If its not true they wont have so many members from so many parts of the world.. if its a lie.. den ppl wouldnt have joined.. they would have left because they discovered its all a lie.. but why ppl are willing to do so much.. my auntie doesnt have to believe in all these.. my uncle can support her.. auntie denise told me about her experience when she was taking 'A' lvls.. keke.. at first i didnt believe but now slowly.. yes.. it doesnt harm believing.. =) not as if i will die.. lol.. kaes.. i'll end here.. take care all.. =p

p0st 21 ` nott feelinn well

2005-06-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

hmms.. watched finish snow angel le.. part 1&2.. was wondering haf 3 a not.. =/ sighhs.. haf gastric loes.. den its like i was staying in the room all along.. busy.. n it just strucked me that.. no one bothered.. i mean in my grandma house.. whether i ate a not.. not even a single one came n ask mi if i ate a not.. not even a single knock on my door.. hao sadd.. when i wanted to go down.. i realise late le.. 10.38pm.. nothing le.. siighs.. =[ den headache now.. eclair n jo also sick.. eclair fever!! hope she's ok.. but she tml not going sch.. i most likely not.. =/ sighhs..

hmms.. i find snow angel sad.. very sad.. perhaps i know why.. why i find it so sad.. i cried n cried.. bcus of the "scars" i hid in my heart.. the darkness i felt.. plus the song.. dats y i cried.. ><" aiiz.. =[ todae.. on general.. been a quiet dae.. nth muchh de loes.. but i realise tat i m sinking deeper.. into the fact that i m losing my faith n trust in guys.. everytime 1 lied to me.. i had to time to heal.. n the other one pops along.. i wonder sometimes.. how long must i disguise myself.. i noe my skills arent tat gudd.. i look unhappii most of da time.. why? bcus i couldnt get it OUT OF MY HEAD!

i tried my best.. to think the other wae.. but it was of no use.. i couldnt forget.. its jus like memories.. unless i lose dem all.. start mie life afresh.. it'll stick to me.. forever till i depart.. =| sighh! is this wat life this.. everytime i kept quiet.. i had questions in my mind.. or i'd b tinking of him.. ><" but like i said.. i m losing faith n trust in a guy.. n nowadaes, though i admit i did still think of him but what occuppies my mind is the questions.. the confusion i couldnt solve.. what occupies my heart is the painn, the darkness, the hurtz and depressionn.. n the lies..

yeahhs.. i mite look on appearance sometimes like i m happii.. i smiled.. but why.. to hide my disguise.. n when i realli smile, its bcus of the fwens i haf ard me.. dey lifted me away from my priison.. but it was jus temp.. moments ltr.. *pommp* in my prison againns.. sighs.. when will i ever get free from all this.. todae.. i heard from brendan my mum called.. n its not sth i like.. if she asks me straight i wouldnt mind.. but she asked my maid.. what i was doing etc etc.. n i hate that.. its as if she's spying on me.. it was so stupidd n toot of me to realise it only now.. she have doing that long time ago.. its just tat i nvr realise.. u might say i m unfillial.. but i will haf to tell my mum straight.. what i want isnt her control.. is my freedom.. her trust.. sighs.. that she would also not worry about me anymore.. =[ kaes.. end here baa.. not feeling well.. =/ take care orhs..

p0st 20 ` whats happening to me?

2005-06-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

sighs. can aniione tell me wats happening to me? i seem to jus change when i m like not wif fwens or sth.. i seem to b more depressed.. my mind wud b filled wif tots.. ><" whats happening to myself? aizz.. its like wif fwens i wud be more cheerful de loes.. but sighs.. its jus a disguise.. perhaps.. >.<" i m so so so confusedd! =[ hmms.. todae wentt kbox.. our room was K8.. den idiot de.. opp us tat room.. wth.. got a grp of gals la.. den its like dey damn wad.. keep staring at us.. wth! den got once mi n eclair walk out of our room dey "OI!".. ><" idiot.. nth better to do.. act big.. zz.. i hate this kind of ppl lo.. wth.. den its "smoke free zone" but den y i saw dem smoking in da room.. someone EXPLAIN pls.. no dad no mum send them to sch hars? dunno wats SMOKE FREE zone har.. u smoke ur business.. but its SMOKE FREE.. wth.. damn pissed with them.. but a few was alright la.. jus jus black sheeps in da grp.. -.-x

sighs.. mabbe i not in a gud mood barhs.. =[ on da wae bac.. -.- thoughts filled my mind.. y arhs.. ppl so chio.. i so ulgy.. u c hars.. eclair got ppl sae cute wor!! =D den Jo *ahems* no need sae lo.. she not bad lor.. dun deny.. i m saying from da bottom of my heart.. u deny i angry lo.. den bell also.. jie hua also.. milan also.. ><" y y y! everyone ard mii seems to be not bad n above de.. =[ aizz.. is it bcus my self confidence was destroyed da moment i enter that idiot BARTLEY SEC or wadd.. sighs.. i'll nvr forget.. the way they teased me.. laughed at me.. called me names.. say jokes about me.. their actions dey did jus to tease me.. i nvr forget.. it totally broke my heart.. i hurt me.. hurt me deeply.. though i've changed abit.. but its still in me.. i just cant forget.. if after hearing this u dont wanna be my fwen.. tell me straight.. i wont give it a damn.. n i mean EVERYONE.. whoever who dont want.. tell me straight.. i wont stop u.. jus let me know..

y wors.. some ppl can b so close to perfect.. but y mii.. y i haf so manii probs.. i hid it in my heart.. not wantin to divuldge.. sighs.. i feel so demoralised.. so depressed.. so hurtz.. =[ aizz.. is there aniione to stand by me.. i dont see any shadows.. =[ i see myself.. in da world of darkness n hurtx.. i seem so ghost.. sighs.. whats happening to me.. some how i'll seem to b a lil' different when i m alone.. =[ sighs.. n i just cant talk nicely to mum.. i tried my best.. not to bicker or quarrel back.. but y just cant i talk back NICELY! its such a easy thing to do but i cant.. i m such a failure.. sighs.. i noe its my fault but somehow.. i just cant stand her nagging.. =[ n when i told her things.. she would say i nvr.. =[ ><" i dont want to feel so out of place with my mum.. my dearest mum! i want to be like many others.. where u can talk about anything n everything to her.. where i can share my deepest feelings.. where she cares for me.. n not just nag.. where i feel the love from her.. the concern.. not the feeling of awkwardness n strangeness.. i want a mum i noe.. when i buy her things.. she would know its from da bottom of my heart.. not saying its a waste of money.. its hurts me alot.. when i found out she didnt understand me.. my mum.. the person whom supposed to be closest to me.. wad shud i do.. =[ i dont want regrets.. sighs..

i guess the previous paragraph's too long.. =[ aizz.. kaes.. n my dad? all he cares for is his bird.. thats wat tat seems most impt to him to me.. everydae he reaches home.. its birds for him.. before he go work.. birds.. ask him go out with me n my mum for shopping.. he says tired.. no family day for me.. i wan a family or coziness.. of love.. of happiness.. not what that can reach the mark which says.. "strangers".. not dat.. definately.. aizz.. m i isolated.. in the term all alone .. i m deeply afraid i'd change into a worser me.. really.. nt kidding.. absolutely serious.. who's my guardian angel now.. where is he.. i need him.. =[ sometimes i even wonder if i need a counsellor.. n i noe i need one.. but i kept quiet.. sighs.. enuf abt all dese..

todae went to schh.. so damn irriated.. the holidae timetable given de.. milan sae she dun haf.. i rmb her taking dat dae.. ask mi dis n dat.. say she dun haf.. arghh.. mabbe i not in gud mood barrhs.. aizz.. kaes.. den got homewrkkk! soBBBB! ><" aizz.. i m so tired.. so so so tired.. give me a real true break.. lemme go find sis or sth.. leave singapore.. a long break.. perhaps i'd b better.. but i noe.. its impossible.. sighs.. not as if my family so damn richh.. like dat "MONK'S" father.. idiot.. kaes.. i DIAM.. zzz.. irriated n pissed again.. cham.. todae mood damn bad.. if u read this.. just dun msn me or wadd.. if i scold u or my attitude's bad.. dun blame me.. i not purposely de.. reallii.. sighs.. kaes..

brendan sae muaii blog entries like compo like tat.. mabbe even longer.. lols.. =x so i guess i'll stop here.. keke.. everyone take care okaes.. dun b bothered by my unhappiness todae.. ><" bubbaiiz!

p0st 19 ` i dont like this yearr~

2005-06-12T22:17:00.000+08:00

sighhs.. was thinking abt this yearr againns! =[ sadded! things juz keep happening.. why why why! aizz.. i guess its just meant to be.. these were obstacles for me.. but.. isnt it too much.. the fact that my grandpa died.. though i dont say much abt it.. but it still lingers in my mind.. i still miss him.. =[ he might not be a very good husband to my grandma, and not a very good grandpa, but he is still my grandpa.. n he dotes on me.. i really miss him alot.. sighs.. i know ppl will haf to die one dae.. but y didnt i have more time with him, spent more time with him.. in the hosp.. the docs didnt even say he was "going".. sighs.. i regret.. regret not spending more time wif him.. i went to the hosp.. but i kept quiet all along.. didnt say anything.. sighs.. regrets!

hmms.. went down to get soe food jus nw =x lols.. hmms.. tml onwards haf to go bac schh.. siannz.. den.. cfm.. *HOMEWORK!* omggx.. thinking of it i wan faint.. =/ aizz.. aniiwaes i die le.. shan phy can rmb bit by bits nia.. cham cham.. my hopes gone.. who's going to teach mii! *sadded* haiz... scared o lvl fail.. no time liaos!! T.T umms.. tml buying da snow angel vcd.. heehees.. =D yipees.. =D den can watch liaos.. =D hmms.. ><" dat toopiidd brendan looking at mii type my entry.. -.-x" lols.. think of it weird also.. hahha.. =x he says he like my bed i like his bed.. LOL.. weird hor.. =P he realli very gud thoughs.. jus nw went down jus to help mitake a glass of water.. kekeke.. ^^ tats sweet of him.. hahhahh..

kaes.. sian.. thinking abt tml i sian 1/2 lers.. =/ hmms.. recently i've been drawing names for ppl.. kekeke.. =P u all want can tell mi wor.. i free i help u all draw.. heehees.. =P hmms. my hip n knee da wound ok ler.. abit of healing for the skin nia.. lols.. =x =D chin looks ok but abit more.. =x kekekeke.. umms.. elbow i dun dare to see lOls.. no plaster ler.. get liaos den c.. wahahahahah.. kaes.. ee yers.. dat bredan trying to open my drawer whr i store food.. -.- *pengs* hmms.. aniiwae wondering what tml'd lesson wud b abt.. kekeke.. umms.. d2 gong gong de nw.. lol.. kae la.. end here.. hahas.. nth to sae.. take care all..

p0st 18 ` fruitful dae!

2005-06-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

hmms.. quite cheerful todae.. =P ytd i slpt at ard 4+am worr, den woke at ard 11+! miracle!! =x cus wo piggii lai de! normalli slp until very late den wake de.. like ard 2+ or 3+ den wake.. but so earlii todae.. lols.. =D whichh ishh gudd! heehees.. den played com =x, did some holidae homewrk.. etc etc laa.. yeaps.. got prepared den ard 4.40pm like dat mi n brendan left house lerrs.. went to logistic.. keke..budden durin our journey hors.. we went to paya lebar mrt.. brendan wanted to deposit money or rather top up ez link cardd.. in the end realise bu ke yi!! haf to go dunno wadd ticketin office make a deposit of 3 bucks.. zzz.. den i went to singapore post.. keke.. da popular bought stuff.. den bought ham n cheese crepe n bubble teaa~ heehees. =x da crepe is nice lor.. exceptt dat i dun like da raw lettuce.. yucks!! *blehhs*

uh huhs.. den after dat we continued our journey.. LOL.. went to mie house.. keke.. brendan of cus stae at da void deck.. =P i dun allow ppl come house de.. lols.. even though he is muaii cousin.. [-^^-] =p yeaps.. den after dat went to KFC.. heehees.. bought da double chicken meal or sth.. da promotionn one! eeww.. n den its like da O.R fillet burger.. wth.. small small nias.. -.-x" blehhs.. yeaps.. den mii n brendan share.. keke.. =p brendann water tub lai de! he drankhis mango tango bubble tea den drink mine also! =x *hides* nt all lars.. but most of mine lor.. i drink nt more dan 5 mouths.. lols.. den he drankk da ice lemon tea also lor! =x water tubb hors.. =P den walked to soka.. kekeke.. =p ate n dan start "work" lerrs! heehees.. dunno y todae so cheerful de.. =p

umms.. next sat den go ferr logistic.. heehees.. =P lalalal~ althoughh i m cheerful.. but actuallii.. i abit disappointed.. ><" cus todae cannot tokk with "him" lols.. he tired.. wakakak.. i got alot of him in my blog.. shld start giving nicks liao.. like dat u all nt so confused.. keke.. this "him" lets call him d2 bahhs.. keke.. he is one which i would alwaes chat wif on fone lars.. keke.. =P next time tok abt other "hims" den cont wif da nicks.. lols.. hope i didnt confuse u all up.. heehees..

oo yars.. i find kelvina chio!! hmms.. mabbe more of sweet.. yeap yeaps.. =x heehee.. she's so cheerful too.. =D i wanna be more cheerful.. alwaes so glum glum de.. bu hao! =x hmms.. ying gai shi bcus of da things happenin ard mii.. i jus cant "throw" dem aside dun tink.. dunno y it kept appearin in my mind.. i wud alwaes tink abt it.. =(( sighs.. ><" i was wonderin.. who reads the entire blog entries of mine hars.. =x lols.. hmms.. actualli hors.. i tink buddii nt bad de lo.. jus tat i nvr sae nia.. keke.. dunno hw to describe in words la.. lols.. =p but realli u r okae de lo.. =D hmms.. =x *lalala* better change subject if nt ltr i sae sth dere comes him.. lols.. =x

hmms.. actualli hor.. i like to watch guys plae bball.. dunno y.. find it interestin.. mabbe cus sec sch dat time da match.. den start to like le.. keke.. kaes.. pardon mii.. but i guess this para wud b abt guys.. wahahahhhh.. =x influenced by shows.. i tot guys who work in da police force or civil defence r actualli nt bad.. =D police force gt sense of security lors.. even though dangerous larrs.. lols.. civil defense cus dey help ppl!! =D lols.. crazii mi i noe.. i warn u all liaos.. =x i todae t sot de.. hahahhh.. jus nw stephaine also.. in logistic keep larfin lols.. dunno y.. den abit sot sot.. she keep smiling at me though.. dunno y.. so i keep smiling back.. =P reminds me abt what syaz n da trainer saes.. my smile very nice.. =/ blehhs.. ask mi muz smile more.. =/

hmms.. but if my smile cus make others more happii.. i dun mind worr!! heehee.. =p kaes.. i jus realised dat i've been typing n typing.. looks like this entry is going to be.. "omg!".. i tink shld b quite long le.. if i continue de hua.. u all sure faint.. kekeke.. lols.. kaes lars.. spare u all.. =p take care all! =P

p0st 17 ` deaddz

2005-06-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

sighhs.. cham liaos.. nex week start "sch" lerrs.. no more holis.. haf to go bac sch for lessons.. ><" budden my homewrkk nt completedd! blehhs.. dunno y been tired recently.. sighhs.. jus nw had a headache.. =/ sigHhhs! nw in da living room .. watchinn zero to heros.. =\ hmms.. reallie haf timegate de arrs? ><" lols.. =x ehs.. i realised tat da show de sixi nt bad loes.. =P keke.. eiis.. was wondering.. her hairstyle.. [-^^-] y gers nwadaes like tat hairstyle harrs?

budden i tinkk also mus c face de! kekeke.. wonder which hairstyle i m suited to.. heehees! feel like tryin layered.. =x keke.. *hides* but scared n suit mii nehs! T.T should i cut hair? o.o? lols.. hmms.. life has nvr been a fairytale.. n it nvr will.. tats wad i told eunice.. lols.. guess she's still small.. tink everything like storybks like tat cfm fairytale.. =/ lols.. mabbe =\

umms.. [-^^-] sighhs.. hmms.. when will wo de "strength" appear wors? hmms? wonder wonder.. who is he.. how he lookk like.. keke.. at where meet dao de.. n how.. =x hmms.. whats he like.. [-^^-] lalala~ i like alot of things to tink abt hors.. LoLx.. =P hmms.. wudd he b abusive? caring? dote on mii maas? =x kekekk.. scarie maas.. =P kaes.. enuff abt him.. dohhs.. ><" hmms.. =D jus finshed watch Inuyasha on channel 5 de.. keke.. =x i blog this entry 2 hrs.. LOL!! kae lars.. x^^x end here.. keke.. take care all.. wabshu! =x

p0st 17 ` borredd

2005-06-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

haizz.. todae's a borinn dae norhhs.. =/ blehh blehh.. was slpinn till eclair sms mii ask mi go bowl.. =/ den in the endd went loes.. ><" hmms.. when i reached, dey playinn 2nd game lerr.. ><" sighhs.. i dunno how to bowl to rite methodd.. =X but wiff mie wrong method i can score.. wahahhaha.. =x *hides* =P after bowlinn mii n eclairr wentt kovan heartlandd mall.. =D the restt went home lorrs.. =/ on the waee while walkinn we met anna.. dorts.. she asked us to go church.. *faints* no offence.. but i m lazyy la.. LOL.. =x umm.. came home.. was so tiredd.. den wantedd to take a napp de.. budden dunno y.. turn here n dere.. jus couldntt get to slp somehow.. blehhs..

hmm.. den jus nw my mummii came grandmaa house!! ohmigosh! =x actuallii.. i nt close with my mum.. alwaes bicker n quarrel.. =x keke.. but dere r times we tok nicely.. nt much though.. lols.. =x one thing is i bth her nagging.. she EVERYDAY.. without fail.. can nag at u de lo.. i nvr exaggerate.. its true.. u ask mie grandma, my aunties.. all cfm tell u same thing.. wahahhhaahh.. =x kaes.. den jus nw.. heard eunice scream/shout in her mum's room.. omg.. so loud.. blehhs.. lols.. todae damn siannn! was wonderinn if brendan will come in my room ltr nt.. if he doesnt.. its PEACE finallii.. T.T" he suan n suan mii.. sobbx..

hmms.. wonderrinn if can chat todae nt.. felt like chattinn wif him todae but he tired nehhs.. blehh.. okaes.. so this is another "he" i m tokinn abt.. LoLs!! haf lots to sae de.. budden he tired.. ridin bike nw.. *blehhhs* oo yar.. was wonderinn ifi would still haf phobia(temp) riding bic nots.. lols.. keke.. hmms.. my chin, hip n elbow de wound nt ok yet.. ><" wonder wenn den heal.. bleah bleahh.. lols.. =x

todae orhs.. i drew some "stay clear","do not disturb" etc on a piece of paper.. with some status thingy.. haf it da on door.. actuallii adapted this frm eclair.. hope she dun mind =D.. was meant forr some ppll.. in mie house.. dont understandd what is RESPECT de see.. -.-x damn hate dem.. wan come in come in.. wtf.. i transparent arhs.. nobodii teach arhs.. wth.. no manners.. i nt for dem to "step" on lo.. nort for them to take advantage of.. zzz.. kaes.. enuff of all dis unhappi things.. wahahaahhh.. =P

tml haf to go somerset.. omG!! T.T i hate tat.. esp wenn i haf to wear sch u! go english seminar.. *faints* sighhhs.. wishh mie-self luck.. =/ haizz.. kaes.. end here liaos.. keke.. take care all.. bubbaiix!

p0st 16 ` busii busii

2005-06-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

hmms.. todae morning wake wake le go bac tampp take money money from daddii =x wakakakak.. played with marco (dont b mistaken, muaii doggie)! hurhurr.. den happy finally responds to me!! woohoos! :x normalli she heck care me de.. =D hmm.. but sparkk was so damn noisyy.. bthh~ ._.x"

umms.. yeaps.. den went home liaos preparedd some lyrics n songs for logistic de.. budden half wae dark called -.- blehhs.. lolx.. den went to meet her.. went matt house.. xh was dere too! dey were talkinn abt yc.. *dots* hmm.. i also dunno worr.. but was so surprisedd.. yc like tat de!! o.o! didnt expect her to.. =/ her looks can b so deceiving.. ohmigosh! :x wahahahaha.. todae i m madd madd! mushh put up beware of crazy sotong sign.. wahahahha.. kae kaes.. =x hmm.. den tried rushin home.. cus tat brendan larr.. sae lyrics got probbie.. T.T den haf to redo.. =( but aniiwae guess its sth gudd.. =D or else dunno more ps rites :x

hmm.. den rush out da lyrics.. went to post to get food.. or dinner if u wan.. lol.. den went soka lerr.. x^^x was late bahh.. =P den kind of disappointedd.. ><" rushh out da lyrics n songs but todae nvr use -.-x" if i know i dun rush liaos.. lazii me :x wahahhaha.. kaes.. den helped out etc.. [-^^-] blehh blehh.. todae alot of participants wor! =D hmms.. amy tok to meee!! *yippees* wahahahah.. kind of weird tat i felt so happii abt it but jus felt so happii.. mabbe cus da feelin she gave me is so friendli n heart-warmin.. heehees.. den i noticed.. got one CHATSWORTH INTERNATIONAL SCH de studentt in tis soka youth dance item! ohmigosh! =x wahahaha.. *jealousy* :x jus felt dat they so lucky de! uniform so niceee.. nt like our sch.. *pukes* like shit :x *hides* i mean its true feelin.. like pri sch kid.. sae wan change uniform nicer n better.. in the end? OMG! worse.. the juniors(gals), skirts wear higher.. -.- den the blouse still quite transparent lo.. wth.. u call this changing? -.-" yea yea.. orbit! *pukes* kaes.. den dey can dye hair.. den dey no need tie hair i guess? =x so chio!! i c deir students, da gals all chio chio de.. nt all :x most =P keke.. kae kaes.. ltr u all bash mii up.. crap so much. .hahahhs..

todae's entry quite "unique".. normalli i type blog entry onlii mie-self ard.. todae got one.. *ahems* extraaa :x.. nahhs.. my cousin withh mii too!! hehehehe.. lemme introduce!! BRENDAN LIM JUN YONG! This year pri 6! Studying in Maris Stella! =D lemme c.. he is cute to me.. =D chubbii chubbii de.. cheeks can pinchh pinchh de.. nice to bullii wor.. =D realllii~~ =x but he's gd la.. hen gentlemen [-^^-] den one weakness.. =D he is afraid of mie pinchin :x hmms.. he got BELLY!! =x wahahahhaa.. kae kaes.. if i continue, he'll kill me.. ><" eeewww.. kaes.. den hmm.. one last thing.. he is alwaes bullied by his sista too!! =D weeheeex! okaes.. greattt.. i realised i m going sot.. :x OMG! i forget to add in.. he jus reminded me.. (cus he jus "fell").. dat he is prone to "accidents".. he alwaes fall.. dunno y.. clumsii like me? o.o? mabbe :x wahahhaahh..

toopid bwendan!! T.T he "tricked" mii into touchinn da leakin superglue.. BLEHHH! eclairrrrrr~~~!! T.T help help! ileana reallii so easii to bluff de.. everytime kanna bluff.. ohmigoshh.. dat toopid brendan luff at me somemore! T.T nex time bulli him more :x jkk.. =D aww.. but the feelin of da superglue sux.. -.-x so fake fake plastic feelinn.. mabbe abit? o.o? lolx.. he's goin to kill me if i cont abt him.. ard 1 para all abt him.. budden i got more loes! :x lemme type all b4 i ferget :x hmms.. he loves eatin.. but i tink he's a real gentlemen.. cus he wud "counsel" me wen i m nt feelin rite.. for eg i feelin frustrated todae lo.. =D wakakakakk.. he likes eatin is 1 definate thing u can c.. from his size =x but great!! like tat more cute.. :x aniiwae i m going to "announce" tat he said todae he's goin for excercise when his dad come bacc.. gudd lorrs! was so happi wenn i heard tat.. at least he's makin effort.. kae kaes.. i m going to stop.. haf to.. b4 all of u tink i siao.. lol.. blog abt him.. blehhs.. -.-x nvm nahs.. let u all noe abt him.. ke aii wadd =x nex time show euu guys sth :p dun sae first.. WAHAHAH.. :x kaes.. end here le.. take care orhs.. bubbaiix!

p0st 15 ` is being blur a fault of mine?

2005-06-06T14:07:00.000+08:00

was msn-in wif bobby,emmanuel n jasonn.. -.-x kaes.. n its like.. nt as if u all dunno i damn blur.. i also dunwann to b blur.. but being blur isnt my fault kaes.. i tried to understandd liaos.. it left mii tinkin.. wat shld i do? i dunwann to get everyone all fainted n angry jus bcus i m blur.. ><" i tried my bez.. its jus like ytd den i noe 999 international no... i realli dunno maa.. ><" sighhhx... i guess i haf to admit its a fault of mine.. ><" but dunno.. jus felt emmanuel is the most polite of all 3 =/ haizz.. blurness blurness blurness.. i dunno watelse to blog.. i jus felt so hurt.. being blur isnt sth gd.. i noe dat.. but i cant help it.. i'll jus end here first.. mite continue ltr~

p0st 14 ` bleeddinn heartt

2005-06-05T18:40:00.000+08:00

i m so confusedd nw.. who i like? ><" If onlii i cudd throw my heartt n da sea.. i wudd.. i dun wanna lurve.. my feelings r juz toyed wif.. i lost my faith towards guys.. sometimes i doubt there's one out dere.. who would treatt mii with care.. who ishh my knight in shinning amour.. ><><" i realli dunno.. =( shan.. i noe u mite tink dat i nt so serious de la.. but dere's things i didnt tell u all cus i find it personal.. =/

todae met scat wif eclair but was siann loes.. ><" i noe dis wud happen dats y dunwann meet de.. ><><" wanted to buy Snow Angel VCD de.. ><" 40 bucks.. blehhh.. nt enuff.. =( wanted to watch so i cud cry.. my heart scar-ed once againn.. hw many more times cud i take? Part n parcel of life? yep yeps.. too much for mii this yearr.. everythinn piling down on mii.. >.<

does my wound look so weird? da one on the chin.. scat calls it "moley", Penny tot its mustache.. WTH! WOUND LOR.. keepin quiet doesnt means i nth.. zz.. aizz.. perhaps my mood's nt dat gud todae.. went home straight away go my room lock doorr..><" wats happeninn.. =( how can i jus cry all out.. hao nan guo, hao sad.. dere's no one with mii comfy dat i cud say all out n cry.. perhaps jus him.. but he doesnt noe i guess.. dat i like him..

i liked him b4.. told him recently.. he asked mi now lehs.. but i replied him dunno.. dun wanna gif him an ans cus i m nt quite comfirmed~ but after thinkin n thinkin.. i realise.. dat.. wo hai shi xi huan ta.. fearr too.. dat mie feelings will go deeper.. wo bu xiangg.. but can i do anithing? =/ ><" vivian hsu latest album.. nw listening to track 8, hao xiang ni.. nt bad lyrics.. i personalli tink its nt bad.. =/ sighhhh!! where's my fairytaleeeeeeee!! i dont even get an image yet.. not a fog a mist of it! none.. nth.. ><"

haizz.. often I'd wonder, when.. till when.. wud a guy den treat mii like he shld.. with care n lubb..i dunwann my heart n feelings to be toyed.. at first i kind of tink its ridiculous.. to hurt urself cus of a guy.. but now.. i start to understand y dey do it.. cus dey lubbed da guy too muchh.. dey sank in it without realising da guy's nt serious abt it.. they wud tell euu tons, millions of sweet lil nths.. makee euu believe it.. tink its fer real.. but in the end.. it's jus like a dream.. *poof* n its gone.. jus like tat.. ><" can guys b trusted.. one out of a thousand or a million? I m not biased against guys.. i noe a few black sheeps dont mean all are.. but.. wo zhen de bu gan zai believe le.. everytime i believe.. i fall.. jus like wat i once saidd to eclair(the dark one).. "the light angel fall from heaven *pop*.. down in hell"..

I noe mie entry been a unhappi, hurtful one.. apologies againn if i made ur day unhappii.. =) dont blame mii hao maa.. jus wanna type it down.. haf it in my blog.. my tots n feelings.. jus treatin it as somethin to confide in since i m too lazii to keep a diary.. =x kaes.. end here le.. =) take care all.. bubbaiix.. yao happi happii de orhs everyone.. =)

p0st 13 ` prob detected?

2005-06-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

hmm.. ellos? =/ sighhs.. todaee.. went wif dark n Jo to toa payoh central.. (tp) n its like abit inconvenient to mii.. no much prob walkin n stuff though.. but abit inconvenient larr.. lols.. bought some stuff (food) =x cus i cant eat "hard" stuff like chicken n biscuits~ T.T poor mii.. =x ohh ya! b4 tat.. dey went to tp earlier to help mi get first aid kit.. LOL! actualli so i can tend to my wound =P x^^x guess wadd.. the kit's 25 bucks! omGosh! =x sighhhs..

was tending to my wound on the hip jus nw.. den i realise.. the auntie at the bicycle shop use de "plaster" cannot use on my this woundd man!! T.T i mean can is can.. but pain when i remove it.. PLUS.. wenn i was trying to remove.. ><" da woundd kind of abit sticked to the plasterr plastic thinggy.. LOL.. i noe u all dun understandd.. =P its the clothy area.. some plaster or shld i say most haf plastic b4 the clothy area.. yeaps.. =D den i kind of abit dunno how to use one of the bottle so dare nt touchh.. *psst-who noes wad'll happen =x* den i used da antiseptic de nia.. =D but haf diff moving ard lo.. haf to b extremely careful.. ><""

*gonks* i hate this.. =x its like not as if u all dunno i one piggi.. [-^^-] den i tis cannot eat, dat cannot eat.. SoBBB!! >.< horr ="x"><" sighhh.. its the matter or trust n forgettin abt the past now but.. there r certain things one cud not forget.. =) wadd dey did to mii.. its sth i wud nvr forget.. nvr ever..those who i told.. their response was the same.. "omg y u so ke lian one".. yea.. ke lian.. or i tink its more like i m idiotic bloody stupidd.. haixx.. whiee.. y mus it happen on mi? yeaps.. i was young but.. it still did happen on mi.. ><" althoughh i shld realli thank god i was lucky.. =/ haizz..

ohh ya.. talking abt my hip wound.. kind of worried.. still abit pain.. guess haf to wait for some time b4 it heals.. T.T but more imptly.. when is my jaw goin to b alrite!!! i wan to eat~! =((( i m missin all my yummilicious foodd.. hmm.. asam.. etc etc.. jus dunno wadd to name out.. tons of them in my head.. burgers.. kfc.. ><"" sighh.. kaes.. while i wait for him to b back.. i'll end here..
*poofies* take care all..

p0st 12 ` FELL!!

2005-05-31T13:26:00.000+08:00

T.T sobb.. ytd went cyclin with dark, mw, Jo, HH n winstonn.. ><"" It was after the 'o'lvl mt paper laa.. den i guess the paper was ok to mii ><><" den rent bic liao.. i purposely ride slowly.. nt i dunwan fast ><" den until at nnite.. we were still riding bic.. did went to the jetty rest awhile.. hehe.. talked to Jo =) den not long ltr after we moved off.. at the zebra crossin dere.. think haf seafood restaurants n taxi stand.. btw i went east cast park.. ><" den got 3 persons.. crossin.. 2 were couple lai de.. i rang the bell they stop.. den its like dey stupid or what? i was trying to ride past them cus i break no use.. budden too little space.. after hesitation for a few seconds, i wanted to break.. no use.. i tink the bic bang inbetween dem.. den i fly out the bic.. cus i wasnt stuck wif my bic.. i was INFRONT!! OMG! den chin keep bleedin.. =(( cus i fall flat.. hurt my jaws n teeth i guess.. den its like i got 4 wounds on mii.. all on left la.. but counting minor wounds too wud b 6.. ><"

so damn suay.. den we walked baq to the bic shop.. cus mw noe the auntie n uncle.. ><" den a distance b4 we reached.. mw volunteered to ride mii baq.. lol.. i wanted to sit on Jo's but it seems unstable =X den i dare not lolx.. so went to mw de! =/ kae la not bad .. his skills =P hmm..
den the auntie but the dunno wad on mi.. iodine de n antisepthic or sth.. not quite sure.. pain la.. but i ren lo =/ HH dere keep sayinn.. pain anot.. LOL.. its ok la.. for guys must be NOT PAIN de lehs.. =x cus guys marhh.. wakakaka =x den i reached home.. took taxi with HH n dark.. =D wanted to slp.. wa lao! pain until i keep wimpering! den i cry abit sia.. realli lo.. my jaw n teeth.. den i whole nite cannot slp.. until mornin i tink.. jus woke up nt long ago.. ><"

hmm.. actualli haf to go out with auntie denise n eunice.. but my case nw~~ lol.. guess cannot liaos.. T.T kaes.. n dere goes all my yummy food.. haf to avoid dark soy sauce.. i hate this man!! ><"

p0st 11 ` omgg!

2005-05-23T22:03:00.000+08:00

hmms.. kindda nervous now.. okae la.. abit =x cus tml gettin back test papers!! ><" den die liaos.. LoL.. sure do badly de =x yeapps.. X^^X hmm.. dunno nehhs.. but wanna tok to him on fone.. T.T but he chiong ms! *grrr* haizz.. wadd shld i do.. he haf gf le.. but their relationship damn weird.. =/ *bwg* =/ haizz.. dun care =D todae orhhs.. not feeling well.. dunno wad happen also.. at first sore eyes.. den dunno y dun feel well went to slp.. its like i jus wake den slp again after awhile? pigg rites =x lolx.. d wake up head pain pain.. nvr eat lunch also =X lol.. sighh.. wondering wadd to bring to sch tml.. hmm.. o.0"

actuallie todae not much to blog abt.. keke.. some things i keep in my heart.. wun sae out de.. hahahs.. kae lars.. end here.. bubbuaiix

p0st 10 ` xintonG!

2005-05-19T16:58:00.000+08:00

sobbbs.. cus my grandma house been doing da electricity thingy for past few days.. after these ishh remove the little "house" which is the kitchenn.. ><" den todae wenn the workers work in mie room.. T.T deyy cracked my samsung hp lcd screen!! T.T i left it on mie bedd attached to the charger mahhs.. den its like i tink cus the wire dey mbe accidentally cause my fone to drop.. den put back on my bed nvr tell mi.. ><" i went back to my room still dunno until i look carefully at the screen.. den xin tong liaos.. kae la.. its my fault for leaving it dere but also their fault mahs!! furthermore dey nvr say anything! grr.. no intergrity de! umpffx! hmm.. dark ask mi ask from the boss refundd or sth.. as in to pay for the damage caused on my hp.. but i tink dunwan bahs.. xin tong is will la.. but dunno nehhx.. dey workers nia.. if i get from the boss.. their pay sure kanna deducted.. ><" aizz~

hmm.. actuallii wanna stay at home.. mabbe go with auntie denise do some "yi gong", budden now my hp liddat.. whr got mood.. sobb! its like not a one line crack is 2!! sobb.. everytime i c the screen wo jiu xin tong sia.. shld i or shld i not tell mie dad =x sure kanna scolding nehh! ><><"

aizz.. tml english oral.. wonder what the topic would be abt.. oh goshh! tummy painn.. T.T blehhx.. sadded.. hmm.. siemens SF65 not bad =x but ex worr.. hmm.. will be saving up money for dat.. kakkaa.. =P aizz.. hao bahhx.. nth muchh to say le.. end here first.. =Dtake care all.. mushh carefull orhh! T.T

p0st 9 ` what to do?

2005-05-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

hmm.. todaee happened to know tat mie cousins call another cousin monk -.- lolx.. cus dey dun like him.. neither do i lor! so much ego in him.. bleahhx.. think he prince arhs.. take food also must maid take.. den shout at maid blah blah.. zzz.. one dae mushh get the chance to say him.. bully maid i kan bu shuang.. dey also humans.. got HUMAN RIGHTS! =x lols.. waiting for the chance quite some time liao.. wahahaha.. den my auntie and uncles very what.. eat mie food without permission.. just take.. zzz.. wth.. nvr gif mi respect de.. idiots.. was wondering.. if dey dun respect mii, i dont have to respect dem.. who cares if they r my elder.. i dont think they treat my family fairly either.. i know its an adult matter but i guess i have a say in it.. i m part of my FAMILY.. anyway.. will stop toking abt it.. kind of personal.. dun wan someone else to noe.. and buddy.. dun worry not euu.. u wan read jus read my blog no need sorrii lolx.. =D

kaes.. jus msn-ed buddy.. he went off to slp liaos.. ><" asked him abt that guy.. lolx.. was actuallie wondering who he is dats y ask mahhs! -.-x curious rites.. but truth wat.. he not bad lookin.. heehee.. hmm.. asked if he is in bball cus i tot he look like he's in.. i very curious de mahh! cannot blame.. kakaka.. anyway.. buddy.. dont tell him -.- ltr he get wrong idea.. blehhx.. lolx.. anyhway he reallie not bad.. hmm.. wakakakkakaka! kaes.. i noe i sot.. =X

umm.. tml phy prelim.. n the worse part is tat i cant get the notes in my headd.. sobbx.. must eat some tonics to help improve muaii memory.. must be reached limit liaos.. lolx.. not enuff mb le.. wahahaha.. lucky my mum noes i dun like the pig intestines n brain n stuff.. OMG! if she's going to make that for mii.. i will die.. yucks =x hahahahaa.. hmm.. was just wondering.. very long nvr meet adel n amy n hui ying n kai ern le! wonder how they are.. keke.. kai ern no need worry de.. got bf whom love her alot.. =) but i noe mi n hui ying de fwenship is sailing further.. ><" got nth much to tok to her.. den its like.. feel weird lor.. cus got tat feeling she dont care de.. aizz.. =/ dere goes our 6 yr fwenship i guess? ><"

todae.. charlene (my cousin) asked mi y i stay in my grandma house.. told her it was cus of my schh.. den find her very sacarstic.. =( i wan stae cannot arhs! ><" i noe my parents not staying with mii n stuff.. but her prob mehhx.. at least here no need worry abt stangers knocking on my door, wanna come in n stuff.. abt being alone at home alone.. as if ppl will save me.. call ppl also no use.. by the time they come in liao larr.. my neighbours not gonna bother also.. mine corner house.. somemore stay in tamp so far =( no fwens staying near me.. aizz.. internal conflict with cousins.. =( y nerhx.. y cannot happie happie de.. ><" omg! jus realised its 12 midnite le!! haf to slp! oh goshh.. not reallie very slpie but haf to.. mite wan to wake earlier to studie =) kaes.. end here le.. sorry kind of rushh.. hahaha.. kaes take care all.. bubbaiix!

p0st 8 ` sighhhx

2005-05-13T22:02:00.000+08:00

hmms.. didnt noe tode ishh fridae the 13th until i heard ms yong say.. ><" todae had my english prelim paperr 2 n chemm.. ><" all i can say ishh.. die le.. =( hmm.. actuallii.. i dunn noe what to do.. kaes.. after hearinn what dark say.. sighhh.. was wonderinn.. if aniione understands mii.. guess darkk didnt.. i m not sure either.. in a state of paranoid.. =( but i m goingg to "maintain" a distance betwenn mii n someonee.. =/ dunn wanna say who she ishh cus muaii blogg no privacyy le.. n i hate the factt that ppl jus READ my blog withhout tellinn mii firstt.. its ownn privacyy lor.. ><

ummx.. todae was eatinn den watchedd the "jing zhong ren" final episode.. =/ at the endd i cryy.. lols.. not reallie cry but got tears lor.. keke.. =x hmm.. yeaa.. some may say its not nice to watchh but i dont watchh it cus its nice and stuff.. cus troughh that i saw the facts of life.. =) todae i told dark.. this is the painest period of mie life i m experiencingg.. why? causee i hadd to face the facts of life.. now.. this yearr.. ><>

mii n darkk ask u guys so TP u guys say wadd.. dunwan.. far.. etc etc.. excuses la pleashh! denn y todae "someone" else askk all go? FARK OFF MAN! u call this fwens? shit la.. i dont thinkk so lor.. hahaha.. no matter wadd.. its decidedd in mie heart.. i no longerr treats u guys as fwenns.. make that clearr.. dontt tell mii todaee u all go cus u all free or todae end earlierr.. bull shit! thatt time u all go Changi Airport.. was i evenn toldd? ASK URSELVES! dont tell mi no chance or forget! no chance?? HAHAHA! i didnt noe i was transparent wor.. very power hor.. forget? u wun forget if u had mi in ur heart..as a fwenn.. u all go out how manii times nvr call mi? reflect man! dont tinkk u all worth being term-ed a fwenn to mii lor.. and for someone.. plshh la.. ppl say what they feel abt u.. accept the critism la.. no need sae back abt others.. n dark was just TESTING it out man.. hahaha.. great.. didnt mind she used my name.. cus i seen ur true colours..

was just thinkkin if i m a follower or a leaderr.. dark noes what i m toking abt.. ppl mite look at mii as a follower .. but lemme tell euu.. i m no follower.. i mite appear as one cus i generally have no opinions.. i m the anythinn sort.. i dunn like makkin decisions.. n i prefer peace.. not arguing over thinggs.. dats y.. =) sighhs.. facts of life.. yeaa.. dat euu can trust no one.. deyy mite be the best-est best fwen u've ever had but u'll nvr nor when they turn ardd n do stffs u've nvrr ever imagine they'll do.. somehow.. i feel so isolatedd.. i no longer close to my sister.. its justt like she changedd.. totally.. i couldnnt fergett the dae.. durinn my grandpa funerall.. when she came back.. its was on a sat.. at nite.. we were sittin at one of the tables durin our given break by the monks.. she called mi a bitchh.. bloody idiot.. mi bitch or u? i noe i changed a little.. but not a bitchh.. i kept quiet all along.. after she went to aust for studies.. she came backk.. i saw a great change in her.. i dontt know how to explainn it.. last time she ddnt ask mii abt my things.. tat dae in msn she asked mii.. didnt noe my mum such a big mouth tell her.. zzz.. u wann u say it out straight man.. dun poke ur nose into my affairs.. i dont like it.. not cause it was u.. cause the way u asked mii.. so damn bitchh..

andd make it a factt.. i dont wanna tell euu abt my thinggs.. cus from youngg.. i dont tell aniione.. mumm dunn ask mii abt what happen in sch n stuff.. i keep mie problemms to myselff.. yeappx.. n i dontt feel it as a care from euu.. =) sorry had to make this another paragraphh cus i foundd out the previous one was so long~ ._." too engross in typing outt mie feelings.. lOlx.. =) hmm.. slpt in the afternoon todae.. 2+ to 7+ -.- suchh a piggy i m.. been wanting to slp but had to time for tat.. goshh.. but i m still feeling slpy after i wake.. bleahhx.. lols.. hmms.. kae larr.. endinn here.. =) take care all kaes.. bubuaiix..

`][ trustt no onee - the darkk in lightt ][`

p0st 7 ` disappointmentt

2005-05-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

sighhhs.. todaee wentt kboxx.. ><" singingg wass so badd todaee.. ><" nott in conditionn.. ><" wonder if eclairr is angryy withh mii.. haixx.. =/ mabbe she's tired or sthh.. =/ denn todaee at the interchangee (TP hdb hub) while waittin ferr muaii bus.. guess wadd.. =D i saw CHARMANDER!! lols charmander aka amanda ><><" hmmx.. she waved at me.. heeehee! tink she wanted to come over chat with mii since the bus she waitinn for is rite besidee minee.. budden *saddedd* the driverr came so had to go le.. wanted to askk her how's life, where's she studying at now and stuff.. =(( was so happie to see her de.. ><"

denn on my way home, i wondered.. sighhs.. y my house here so deserted.. sighhx.. one day i kidnapped or sthh nobodii noes.. if its at nite but mabbe morning also possible~ ><" denn wenn i reached home.. i was so disappointed n hurtt.. until now.. =(( whyy.. my grandmaa, cousinns n aunties left mii alone at homee.. sighhs.. nvrr eatt dinner.. wanted to come back eatt.. but it turned out like datt.. muaii grandmaa even toldd mii to go home earlierr.. but whyy mii alonee!! i dontt thinkk euu guyys noee howw i feel noww.. hao tongg.. wo de xinn hao tongg.. leftt alone like dat.. if i vanishh now.. all deyy wouldd caree is howw to accountt to mie parentts.. dats all.. ><" haixx.. tiredd of tishh worldd.. tishh familyy lerr.. =\ butx i tinkk no differencee fromm stayinn in tamP.. cus overr deree i m alonne too.. furthermoree.. scaredd.. i dontt wann thosee incidentts happeninn all the timee.. deyy juss come knockinn.. denn obvious deyy knoww i m alone at homee.. wanted enterr n stuff.. hao hai pa.. =((

haixx.. wonderrin.. who wouldd everr caree forr mii.. nobodii taggs at mie blogg too.. mabbe no one even botherrs to readd.. aixx.. anywayy.. todaee in kbox.. SAW SHUAI GE!! =D shuaii cus at least deyy more shuaii den my schh ones.. LOL! =x hmmx.. cus eclairr hadd to rushh home after gettin pressie for her "biao di" denn Jo peii mii walk walk.. kakaka.. got ear studds, breadd.. yeapps.. n some stationeries stuff.. =D haixx.. was toldd dat no more sg oz lerr.. cus haf globall de.. x^^x n its nicerr!! OMG! haf skills de somemore.. cooler items too! =D kaes.. guess i m endinn here liaos.. yi ge ren zaii jiaa zhen bu hao shou.. =(( take care all ehhs.. bubbyes

yi ge ren de shi hou,
ni you mei you fa xian dao wo de zhun zai,
kan dao wo yan zong de gu dan he ji mo..

p0st 6 ` from de bottom of muai heart~

2005-05-02T20:11:00.000+08:00

hmms.. i actuallie *opps* realised that when u are in a relationship.. dont trust the guys too much.. they mite say they love u for eternal n stuff but dont trust until they prove it.. ><" sorry guys if i hurt ur feelings but this is what i feel loes.. =/ kaes.. i guess i dont want to be in a relationship le.. >< its like.. my heart just keep breaking.. i had enuff le.. time to close it and heal.. i noe its hard to say about all these things but i promise i will TRY! .^^.

anyway wondering who's keeping up with my blog entries.. guess none since my tagboard is like filled with cobwebs.. haha.. ke lian -.-" hmms.. wish adel n dex will b happie.. =)) xin fu zai ni shou zong orhhhs! kekeke.. altohugh dont communicate much with u le adel but hope u noe i've never changed my thinking towards u.. u n amy are always wo de jie mei.. kekeke.. anything i can help dont forget me.. =D

hmms.. happie happie.. todae got one new buddy~!! woohoo! yipeeex.. =)) yeaps.. cheered me up.. thanks tah tah n scat too.. kekeke..n JO! =)) whew.. although he broke with me.. but i straightened my tots.. this guy isnt worth it.. kekeke.. but i guess.. i changed after this incident. can strongly feel it.. more crazy me =P anyways.. just got to know our ex president of Singapore passed away.. sorry if i m kind of rude or something but i wasnt feeling well.. so stayed in my room the whole dae.. didnt eat much either.. sighhs.. even my miad n grandma noe sth was wrong.. but i didnt say much la.. kaes.. ending here.. take care all~

p0st 5 ` hurtx

2005-04-28T20:55:00.000+08:00

dunno y.. i realised his every action or word.. can bring me joy or scar my heart.. sighhs.. i noe he not in a good mood.. but.. sighhs.. nvm.. i no appetite eat le.. trying to force myself to be normal.. i know thats not the right thing to do.. i m hurting myself deeply.. but thats all i wanna do.. got prelims tml.. english n ss paper.. but i cant get everything into my head.. sighhhx.. tml after exam going kbox with dark, mw n some others.. >< .. this will be a short entry.. so ending here.. take care..

p0st 4 ` fwenns or tool ?

2005-04-26T20:38:00.000+08:00

hmmx.. thought alot about "her" today.. which is alicia that i am refering to.. y she suddenly become like tat nehhx.. why suddenly this year? >< why.. a sudden change of attitude towards me.. it was so foolish of me to realise.. that she is just a wolf in sheep's clothing.. ><" she is just making use of me.. just like what she is doing now to bell.. *sighhhs* Is it because i went closer with Jo.. which meant that i go beyond "dont talk to her"? If it is, den i find it totally unreasonable.. wtf.. i cant choose my own fwens is it.. i haf the right ok.. n a HEART! u make use of me liao.. now no use u throw me aside isit? why did you become like that? i dont understand.. cannot talk to Jo mehhx.. u dont like her is your business lor.. Jo always alone.. because of this i included her into our "grp" which is mi n eclair.. cannot harx.. from what Jo say.. i can tell u.. u this kind of fwen i dun need lar.. no thank u.. todae.. i already decided u r no longer my fwen.. didnt realise what kind of fwen u r.. still dare to tell me abt fwenship n stuff.. SUA lar..

hmm.. dont talk about unhappie things le.. though actuallie i haf more thoughts n i know i cant stop thinking abt what happen.. haizzz.. but watched the Howl's Moving Castle le.. OMG! damn nice.. heeheex.. nice nice nice! ^^.. thankew darkk.. =D siannx.. =( got so many hw to do.. sobb sobb.. tml got chinese "test" somemore.. lolx.. which is equals to spelling? >< hw to memorize man! blehhhx.. this year reallie no gd man.. so many things happen.. but it leads me wondering.. what else is going to happen.. how long can i last? will the ray of light shine on me again? it will someday sometime.. but right now.. the longing for my strength hasnt gone.. =x keke.. u noe who u r.. lolx.. wun sae muchh cus wish u tew gud luckkx.. keke.. [ ni de xin fu shi wo de kuai le ] kekeke..

ummmx.. kaes.. haf to stop now le i guess.. cus of the work load.. oh gosh -.-x.. when will the school gif us a break man.. holidays = no holidays.. say nicely haf holidays but the amount of homework and stuff dey gave.. more work! omg.. -.-x siannnn.. toopid principal! prefer the previous one.. the one when i was sec 1.. den she left.. >< she is a real real real real real nice principal! everyone liked her.. blehhhx.. kaes.. dont say too muchh.. noe of some teachers who haf "impressive" skills to "check" on students.. lolx.. take care yars.. bubbaix

p0st 3 ` i m always there for you =x

2005-04-18T19:35:00.000+08:00

hmmx.. things will be alright de.. dont think too much le hao mahhs.. =P there'll always be solutions to problems.. =P hmmx.. i wish i can help but i dont want to interfere.. its between da both of eu.. ^^ hao xiang ta.. it has never left my mind.. but i reallie wonder.. y is it that i need him so much.. i noe its cus i dot feel lurve from mie parents altough i noe dey care for me.. butx.. i jus dun feel it.. i noe clearly whie.. but .. it has alreadie reached a stage in my heart its numb lers.. sighhs.. i didnt tell anyone de.. but i m going to tell my dear dear precious darling blog todae.. ^^

i'll swear i cherish him, and love him with all i can.. ^^ (not over the limit go crazie tat kind LOLX).. if i ever will be wif him somedae.. but deep in my heart i know immpossible de.. jus ask urself.. anybodie will wan a ger.. got heart problem de.. so weak de.. so thin like skeleton de.. got mahhs.. kaes.. even though some others ( i dont eanna reveal it in blog who said lar ) said i m a good ger.. butx.. good sho? Its in my vision of how i m treated that tells me.. shows me what humans are.. nobody would want me.. a ger ppl sees of as trouble.. sighhs.. dats e reason whie i say nobodie will wan me to xiaobaiee.. =) xiaobaiee.. u r adorable in some ways.. if i were a guy.. i'd woo u lolx.. u r not that ulgie afterall.. not as if u haf alien features or something.. plus u r not thin like me.. guys wouldnt avoid eu or make fun of eu..

i feel so hurt everytime "dey" make fun of me.. dun wanna sae who.. but.. sighhs.. when is my heart going to heal.. from all the scars? The "medicine" to my heart is just like a star in the sky.. unless miracle happens.. i noe i'll never get it.. and i think you know who u are.. =/ just let u know here dat.. whatever happens.. u haf me whether as someone who like eu.. or a true fwen i swear =) anything wanna find me tok or what i will try muai bez to be there.. dun shy can liaox.. LOL.. i means fwens are not shy with each other?? LOL.. kaes.. ending here..

__**Loving eU is liKe a hobbIe..itS noT goinG tO endd**__

p0st 2 ` missing him

2005-04-13T17:44:00.000+08:00

hmmx.. dunno y.. miss him wors.. lolx.. =x hmmx.. >.< wondering if he knows abt this blog not.. guess not =x kakaka.. =P ummx.. actually the "lyric" is kind of my feeling bahhs.. =/ but silly gurl will wait de! kekeke.. say lers.. i silly liaos.. loLx.. bo biann.. =x but sometimes when fate comes.. u wan to shy away also cannot.. =P mabbe some day some time i might just forget about him.. but till this moment i m sure.. all i want is him.. =P todae bamboo sent me through msn a banner.. keke.. n it says "ur knight is on his way".. =D brightens my day.. lolx.. =x just wondering.. when.. who.. how =x lets include where.. what no need lar hor.. lolx.. sure human de =X keke.. kaes.. ending here lers.. =P

__x]] moments of sliennt waiting [[x__ **ileana**

p0st 1` a new blog?

2005-04-13T05:05:00.000+08:00

hmms.. mus be wondering whie i had a new blog har? lolx.. hmms.. =P its just basically for him i guess.. my tots n feelings.. =)had a diffcult time searching for the right skin lehs! den i edited the "lyrics" part =D whole thing change =x lolx.. hmmx.. he must be slping like a pig now.. wahahaha.. =x *runs* kaes end here le orhs.. tatas!